


Light

by TwoBoys2Love



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, M/M, jared/jensen UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 16:43:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: In Earth's future, the sun began to die.  A team of scientists was sent out to re-ignite the star on the ship Impala I.  Their mission failed.  Seven years later, the Impala II was sent to make a second attempt.  They are the earth's last, best, hope.





	Light

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/335553) by Alex Garland. 



> This is a re-work of the film "Sunshine" for the spn-cinema challenge on Livejournal a few years back.
> 
> I lost the fic on here and i'm reposting it.

   
Entry Pad 016 Impala II  
   
_We left earth sixteen months ago. It was a frozen wasteland when we left. My niece and nephew have never seen the ground bare of snow and ice. I’m not sure I remember it either._  
   
_Seven years ago, the Impala I was sent into space with a huge complex-ignition payload to restart the sun._  
   
_They didn’t make it._  
   
_So here we are. Six of us careening through space on the back of a bomb that I created. Our mission is to restart the sun._  
   
_We have an engineer who calls the ship “Baby”, a Doctor who seems to be losing his grasp on reality and a comms officer who listens to space to find signs of life … patterns in the static._  
   
_This isn’t what I thought I would be doing when I became a physicist._  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Dr. Jeff Morgan closed his eyes and let the light from the huge observation port flood over his body. It was a strange feeling. Heat from a star was different than that made by any other source. He’d felt the sun on his face for the first time when the Impala II was about 40 million miles out. A part of him had been re-awakened.  
   
He shifted a little on the viewing bench. The brushed silver of the oval pod soaked up the light like a sponge. Light and dark, existing only in the absence of one another.  
   
Slipping his sunglasses on, Morgan tapped the communication console beside the bench. “Baby?”  
   
“Yes, Dr. Morgan,” said a low feminine voice from somewhere above him.  
   
“What percent of the sun’s light am I actually being exposed to right now?”  
   
“Point eight percent, Dr. Morgan.”  
   
“Can you change the filters so that I can see five percent?” Morgan adjusted his sunglasses and slid his hand over his short dark hair.  
   
“Negative,” said the sweet computer voice quickly. “Five percent would cause irreparable damage to your optic nerve and permanent vision-loss in both eyes. You would suffer third-degree burns on much of your exposed flesh.”  
   
Morgan knew Baby was a computer, but he thought she sounded a little like she was chiding him. He also knew from his years of education in Human behaviorism and Psychology that people were made more comfortable when they personified ship intelligence.  
   
“What is the lowest you can safely set the filter at, Baby?”  
   
“I am able to show you two percent of the sun’s full brightness for 4.15 seconds.”  
   
“Okay. Do it, Baby.”  
   
Morgan squared his shoulders and fixed his gaze on the burning orb hanging in space ahead of them.  
   
The light seemed to flood into the pod audibly. Morgan sucked in a breath of fiery hot air. His lungs protested instantly, chest muscles clenching tight as a sharp dart of pain hit him dead center in his solar plexus. Later, he might find that amusing.  
   
It was the first time he was ever convinced that he was experiencing an absolute lack of darkness. There was no room for the nothingness space had accustomed him to. The vacuum was full; heat was plastered to his skin. Sweat already beaded on his forehead and each breath he took in dried out his mouth a little more.  
   
And then, suddenly, the light blinked out. Morgan fell forward as though a support had been yanked away from him. Panting, he tore his sunglasses off his face and blinked furiously as he tried to clear his vision of the retinal shadow the light had left.  
   
“Jesus,” he murmured.  
   
“Having a spiritual moment?”  
   
The male voice startled Morgan and he was only just able to make out the silhouette of the ship’s engineer, Jensen Ackles. Jensen was the man who kept the Impala II purring like a kitten. He was also the one responsible for calling the ship, “Baby”. Something that Jeff still found amusing.  
   
“More of a light bath actually. I didn’t hear you come in.”  
   
Jensen scuffed his boots a little as he headed over to sit down on the bench. He was young for an engineer; twenty-eight. Morgan liked him; tendency to think of the Impala II as ‘alive’ notwithstanding.  
   
“You were preoccupied with the sun,” Jensen teased.  
   
“Only a little. You look tired.”  
   
Jensen smiled and turned his gaze towards the viewing port. “Spent the day doing maintenance. Making sure the coolant tanks for the mainframe are in perfect working order. No mainframe? No us.”  
   
Morgan nodded and pushed his sunglasses on to the top of his head. “You gettin’ enough rest?”  
   
There was a smirk on Jensen’s face when he looked over at the doctor. “Is that an official question, Doc?”  
   
Morgan couldn't help laughing. Jensen had a habit of making him do that. Morgan saw it for the deflection it was, but Jensen still seemed stable. And that was Morgan’s job; make sure the crew stayed sane long enough to complete their mission.  
   
In fact, the only problem that Jensen seemed to have was his opinion of the young ship’s physicist, Jared. He was twenty-four, smarter than Hell, a little lost in his own world and seemed to annoy the fuck out of Jensen.  
   
“Things okay with you and the crew? Anything you need to talk about?” Morgan lifted an eyebrow and gave Jensen his brightest smile.  
   
“Is that your way of asking me if I’ve tried to blow Jared out of an airlock lately?”  
   
This time Morgan didn’t laugh but he did allow his smile to soften. He had his suspicions about the root of Jensen’s problem, but he was a listener, not a talker. “Have you?”  
   
“No.”  
   
“It’s a solid start.”  
   
Shaking his head, Jensen slapped his hands down on his thighs and pushed up. As he stood he stretched his arms high above his head. His regulation white tank lifted, and Morgan could see the scars and bruises on the young man’s back. Jensen took his work entirely too seriously sometimes. He wouldn't hesitate to crawl into the engine dome or slip into the coolant tank. As far as Morgan was concerned, Jensen could do with some time putting himself first.  
   
“Dinner?”  
   
“Sure,” Morgan said as he stood. “Who’s cookin’?”  
   
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Jared.”  
   
Jeff made a mental note to prescribe some observation pod time to Jensen.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jensen certainly didn’t rush to the galley. He had experienced Jared’s cooking more than enough times to know he wasn’t going to enjoy it. It would be chicken. It would be overcooked, and Jensen would get heartburn, probably because he’d be really pissed off and wouldn't say a word. Morgan had already figured out he had a problem with Jared and the last thing Jensen needed was the ship’s doctor breathing down his neck.  
   
He had enough to worry about.  
   
He had the largest ship in the space program to take care of. At twenty-eight he was the youngest mechanical officer with his own ship. And the Impala II was special in so many ways.  
   
Walking along the narrow port corridor, Jensen trailed his fingers along the smooth, dark walls. He could feel the slight vibration of the gravity tumbler. Everything was running smoothly.  
   
“Baby?”  
   
“Yes, Jensen,” the ship answered immediately.  
   
“Systems report?”  
   
“All systems are running above-average parameters. We are on schedule.”  
   
“Thanks, Baby.”  
   
“You are welcome, Jensen.”  
   
Grinning, Jensen tapped his finger on the switch plate by the galley door. It swished open to let loose the usual cacophony of dinner time. It was the one time of day when the crew all gathered together.  
   
“Hi Jensen,” Alona called out. The petite blonde was tougher than she looked. Jensen had found that out on day one when he had laughed because she said she was the pilot. He had stopped laughing when Alona had flipped him over her hip and caught him in a choke hold. Fortunately, Morgan had strolled past the bridge and requested she let their only engineer live.  
   
“Alona, you marvelous creature. How was your day?” Jensen sank down onto a chair beside the pilot and grabbed a piece of cheese off her plate.  
   
When he looked up he saw the, mostly silent, navigator sitting across from him. Matt was about Jensen’s age, black hair, and dark brown eyes. The fact that he didn’t say much didn’t bother Jensen. Some of the crew members spoke enough for everyone.  
   
“Morgan was just telling us all about his new religion.” Alona’s bright blue eyes widened dramatically then she winked at Jensen.  
   
“Spiritual, Alona. I said spiritual.” Morgan didn’t even look over at them as he spoke. For some reason, he was sorting through cutlery.  
   
“Sorry,” Alona called out. She looked up just in time to catch a bun that was hurled at her from the kitchen. “DJ! Don’t throw the bread. Bring it to the table.”  
   
A small head of scruffy brown hair appeared from around the support beam in the middle of the counter then a long, thin arm fired another bun at the table.  
   
Jensen snatched the bun out of the air without even looking up. “Juvenile,” he muttered.  
   
The door swished open again and the Captain strode into the room. Captain Jim Beaver was a good man to work with. He was level-headed, calm, soft-spoken and regimented enough that no one questioned his authority.  
   
Jensen nodded as the Captain sat down. “Who’s cookin’?”  
   
Even though the Captain had asked no one in particular, Jensen answered. “The pretty one.”  
   
Morgan arrived back at the table in time to shoot Jensen a look. “Jensen.”  
   
Jensen rolled his eyes and tried again. “Why … it’s Jared cooking tonight, Sir. You’re familiar with him, I’m sure. Our resident physicist and master of the bomb we’re ridin’.”  
   
Morgan took a seat by the Captain and picked up his water bottle. “Jensen, we’re all familiar with Jared.”  
   
“It’s not really a bomb,” came a soft voice from the kitchen.  
   
Jensen leaned forward in time to see Jared appear with a covered plate. “Jared, it’s a bomb,” he shot back.  
   
Shaking his head, Jared smiled shyly at Jensen and slid the plate into the middle of the table. “It’s not. It’s actually more of an ignition. It’s not really a complex reaction but the pay-”  
   
“Oh, not again, Jared.” Jensen groaned. “We’ve all heard how smart you are-”  
   
“Jensen, don’t be a tool,” Alona piped up.  
   
“-and we know that even with all that IQ you still can’t manage more than a barely -edible roast chicken.” Jensen shoved his plate away from him and folded his arms across his chest.  
   
The galley fell silent around him and he took a deep breath.  
   
Morgan leaned forward to pull the serving plate toward him. “Jensen, be in my office at nineteen hundred hours.”  
   
“What. An. Idiot.” Alona muttered.  
   
Jared wiped his hands on his pants and smiled weakly. “Well. Enjoy. Sorry to - I have to excuse myself. There’s - well...” Jared gave up and headed out of the galley.  
   
“Thank you, Jared,” Matt said as the young physicist strode past him.  
   
DJ hopped over the wide kitchen counter and landed at the end of the table. “Jensen? You’re an asshole.”  
   
“Shut-up, DJ.” Jensen knew he’d blown it, yet again, but there was just something about the tall young Texan that irritated the hell out of him. It was punishment enough that he was going to have to spend part of his evening talking to Morgan.  
   
Alona reached across the table to lift the lid off the serving tray. “Oh. Look, Jensen.”  
   
The plate was filled with thick, juicy looking slices of meatloaf. It didn’t look overcooked, or flavorless. It looked quite good actually. “Meatloaf.”  
   
“Isn’t that your favorite recipe, Jensen?” Alona smiled coolly and speared a piece with her fork so she could flip it onto her plate.  
   
The Captain leaned his elbow on the table and scratched at his beard for a few moments. “Jensen, you have a mouth on you, son.”  
   
DJ laughed and Alona reached over and punched his shoulder.  
   
“Okay. God. I’m sorry. It’s just. I mean the bomb explanation? Seriously?” Jensen knew he had heard the explanation more than a handful of times.  
   
“Maybe if you weren’t always so bitchy, Jared wouldn’t be so nervous,” Alona said with a slight smile on her face.  
   
“That’s like asking a leopard to ...well, not be spotty,” DJ said. He took some meatloaf and dug into it quickly.  
   
“Okay.” Jensen slapped his hand down on the table. “I’m an asshole. It’s unanimous.”  
   
Morgan laughed and shoved the tray of meatloaf towards Jensen. “Ya might as well eat some seeing as Jared used your recipe.”  
   
Jensen frowned but he stuck his fork into a piece of meatloaf. He wasn’t falling for the wounded puppy thing that Jared had going on. A little bit of meatloaf wasn’t going to make up for everything.  
   
DJ swallowed a mouthful of meatloaf and let out a pleased sound. “Hey. Jim - you gonna get everyone to do their messages?”  
   
Jim nodded and lifted his cap up long enough to scratch his head for a few moments. “Yeah. We knew this was gonna happen and we’re right on schedule. Within twenty hours we’ll be too close to the sun for successful relay communication. So, this is it. You got somethin’ you want to send home you better get to it. We won’t have another chance ‘til we’re headed home.”  
   
“If we head home,” Jensen said. They all knew there was a high possibility that they were on a one-way trip. There was no point in glossing over it as far as he was concerned.  
   
Alona tossed her fork down and folded her arms. “Did you get enough sleep this rotation, Jensen? Because you are a bitchy piece of f-”  
   
“Okay,” Morgan said with a deep chuckle. “Just get your messages sent. Let your families know how you’re doing.”  
   
DJ took a swig of water then wiped his chin. “Guess we should tell ‘em to start looking for a sunny morning.”  
   
Jensen wished he’d never tasted the meatloaf. It was good, and meatloaf made him think of home.  
   
His little sister, Mack, had been the only person on deck to see him off. His parents hadn’t been a part of his life in a very long time. There were a lot of things about Jensen they had found difficult to support. Writing them off was easier than fighting a losing battle. He would send Mack a message. She was, after all, the reason he was hurtling through space at 29,000 mph. One morning, he wanted Mack to wake up with the sun on her face. He didn’t think it was too much to ask.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jared had been locked in the communication booth for over half an hour and words continued to fail him. There were a million things he wanted to tell his family but every time he opened his mouth the words that emerged seemed incredibly stupid.  
   
He cleared his throat and swept his hair back off his forehead. He pressed the pad of his finger to the side of the screen and forced a smile on his face. “Hi Mom, Dad. Well, it’s time. In a few hours, maybe sooner we’ll be out of communication range. I’m fine. Good. I mean, it’s okay up here. Out here. Fuck.”  
   
Jared tapped the screen again to stop the message and pinched the bridge of his nose. It had been over a year since he’d seen his family, but it seemed like everything was either too big to put into words or too inconsequential to waste precious message time on.  
   
What could he tell his parents? He could tell them that he spent hours, some nights, locked in the payload bay running scenario after scenario. He could tell them about the nightmare he had all the time, falling towards the sun at an unbelievable speed, flesh seared away by the heat.  
   
Jared tapped the screen again. “I learned how to make meatloaf because I thought it might please this ass - did you know that cooking is more difficult than calculating the detonating weight of the payload core?”  
   
He erased the message and slid both hands into his hair then let out a groan. It was hopeless. He tried to imagine what he might want to hear. Reassurance?  
   
After a moment’s hesitation, Jared touched the screen again. “Hi everyone. We’ve finally gone far enough that we have to send out our final messages. We will be at the target coordinates within the next week or so. Remember how I told you that it takes about eight minutes for light to travel from the sun to the Earth? You’ll wake up one morning and the sun will be bright again.”  
   
There was a loud banging on the door and Jared jumped back a little from the touchscreen. He reached out quickly to pause it, then changed his mind. His family would appreciate seeing how the crew was like a big dysfunctional family. “Almost done!”  
   
He went back to his message and finished off with the usual declarations of love and hope to see his family again in a couple of years. It was always an eye-opener saying two years out loud. But there had never even been a guarantee that they would return.  
   
The door slid open and Jared headed straight down the nearest corridor. After sending, what might be a final message, to his family he didn’t feel like making small talk with the crew.  
   
He was about twenty feet from the galley when he heard the pounding of footsteps. He only just had time to press himself back against the wall when he saw Jensen careen around the corner. He pressed further back, and then realized his mistake at the last moment. He wasn’t in Jensen’s way; he was Jensen’s target.  
   
The weight of the mechanic’s body slammed full on into Jared’s side and the momentum knocked them both over and sent them sliding along the smooth corridor floor.  
   
Jared would have yelled but all the air shot out of his lungs when his body hit the deck. His arms flailed wildly for a few moments then he felt Jensen’s fist connect with his jaw. He didn’t even have time to wonder what he’d done.  
   
Jensen took another swing at Jared’s jaw and only missed because they both fell to the side. Jared finally managed to get a tight grip on Jensen’s lethal right hand and kicked up with his knee. Jensen let out a whoosh of breath as the knee connected then he grabbed two handfuls of Jared’s shirt and slammed him down hard on the deck.  
   
The corridor swam a little around Jared. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear voices. He let go of a wild punch and felt his knuckles connect with Jensen’s cheek.  
   
Jared heard his name and he stilled for just a moment. Unfortunately, it provided Jensen just the opening he needed. Another shot connected with Jared’s jaw and he fell back to the deck as Jensen suddenly lifted off him.  
   
“What the hell is goin’ on here, boys?” Jim’s voice was tight and stretched thin in the space of the long corridor.  
   
Pressing his hand against his burning jaw, Jared rolled onto his side.  
   
“Excess of manliness,” Alona spat before heading down the corridor.  
   
Morgan came running from the opposite direction and stopped just short of where Jim was still holding back a thrashing Jensen.  
   
“Y’okay, Jared?” Morgan smiled slightly as he leaned down to press two cool fingers to the fiery ache along Jared’s jaw.  
   
“He just attacked me,” Jared said incredulously. He was still a bit shocked. One minute he’d been walking to the galley, the next he was being used as a punching bag.  
   
“You took too long,” Jensen yelled. He finally managed to yank his arm free of Jim’s grip. “I couldn’t send a message to my sister!”  
   
“Wh-what?” Jared struggled to sit up. Jeff was crouched beside him and the Doctor pushed Jared’s hair back and tilted his chin so he could check for injuries.  
   
“You, Jared! You took too long, and I couldn't send my message.”  
   
A cool guilt slithered down the furrow of Jared’s spine. He hadn’t been watching the time. He always got so rattled in the comm booth.  
   
“I’m sorry,” Jared said. “I should have let you go first...”  
   
“Yes! You should have!” Jensen yelled as he glared menacingly down at Jared.  
   
“Enough!” Jim barked. It wasn’t often that Jim sounded like he was giving an order, but his tone left no doubt.  
   
Rubbing his forehead, Jensen stopped back slightly.  
   
Morgan stood and helped Jared up to his feet. Jared was thankful; his knees were still feeling a little like they would give out. His heart was fluttering, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments.  
   
Morgan cleared his throat and slid an arm around Jared’s shoulder. “Jensen? You need to be at my off-”  
   
“I know. I know,” Jensen interrupted. He spun on his heels and headed off.  
   
The ache in Jared’s jaw had settled into a dull throb and he rubbed at it as he watched Jensen disappear around a corner. “I’m sorry.”  
   
“We gotta work this thing between the two of you out before it gets completely out-of-hand,” Morgan said.  
   
The Captain moved over to get a closer look at Jared’s jaw. “You’ll live.”  
   
Jared nodded and forced a smile onto his lips. “It’s all good. He was. He was right. Well, not completely. I should have gone last though.”  
   
The idea of not being able to send a message to his own family left a dull burn in the pit of Jared’s stomach. He’d never overheard Jensen mention anyone else in his family besides his sister, Mack. And now, she wouldn’t receive a final message from her brother. It made Jared feel pretty bad.  
   
Morgan squeezed Jared’s shoulder briefly. “We’ll sort this out. Don’t worry. Put a cold pack on your jaw.”  
   
Jared nodded, let out a sigh and took a few steps back. “I’m gonna call it a night.”  
   
Morgan nodded. The Captain pressed his lips together and tipped his cap back. “Get some rest, Jared.”  
   
It was a short walk to Jared’s quarters and he was glad. By the time he was waving open the lock on his door, the ache in his jaw was a little more insistent. He slid open one of the drawers and pulled out a cold pack. The plastic was cool against his skin and he flopped down onto his bed.  
   
He knew he irritated Jensen, but that punch had surprised him. “You must really hate me,” he muttered.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
“Look. I know it was stupid. You may not know this, but I’ve never gotten into a fight like that before while in service.” Jensen just wanted his time with the Doctor to be over. It had only been about fifteen minutes since he’d arrived, but he could think of a hundred things he’d rather be doing.  
   
“I probably know more about your service record than you do,” Morgan said quietly. He was flipping through screen after screen of information on his monitor.  
   
The room was too quiet. Jensen couldn’t even hear the distant whir of the engine and in unsettled him a little. He was happiest back by the mainframe or in the engine room, letting the noise of all the smooth metallic machinery overwhelm the drone of his thoughts.  
   
“It’s just that it’s been a long time,” Jensen said. “Sometimes, I think I lose track of the days a little.”  
   
“It’s different up here.” The Doctor cocked his head to the side and smiled.  
   
“And I worry about Mack,” Jensen said softly.  
   
“Your sister...”  
   
Nodding, Jensen rolled his shoulders a few times. “She’s all I got. Leaving her there alone was hard enough. But I could do it because I might be part of fixing the mess we made. You know?”  
   
Morgan nodded and pushed his monitor aside.  
   
“We might not come back and the last message I sent her was my stupid rambling’ about the ship and keeping her running.” Jensen threaded his fingers together and squeezed so tightly his knuckles blanched. “What if that is the last she hears from me?”  
   
“I expect she’ll realize that you were doing what you love? That she’s proud of you for taking this on?”  
   
Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Jensen nodded slowly. It all sounded perfectly rational when Morgan said it; it was later when it would eat away at him. That was why he spent so much time working. To forget.  
   
“We could have another two years of travel ahead of us, Jensen. Even you can’t hide in the coolant chamber for that long.”  
   
Jensen huffed and slouched further down in the chair. Okay, so the Doc was more observant than Jensen was willing to admit. “I know I’ve got to apologize. I don’t have a problem doing that.”  
   
“Sometimes, it’s easier to just stay away.... from things.” Jensen had thought that he was pretty good at disappearing into the depths of the Impala. It wasn’t all that lonely; the ship had a lot of ways of making herself known.  
   
“Stay away from things or people?” Morgan’s gaze was intense, and Jensen felt a little like a specimen pinned to a board.  
   
Jensen bought a little time with a shrug then looked around the room. He was restless, and, not only because he didn’t want to answer any more questions.  
   
But Morgan, clearly, wasn’t finished his interrogation. “Jensen. Who do you speak to most often?”  
   
“Here?”  
   
Smirking, Morgan showed a rare break in his, seemingly unending, patience. “Yes. Here, Jensen.”  
   
Narrowing his gaze, Jensen mulled over the question. Oh, he knew the answer. He spoke most often to the ship’s computer. That answer was likely to land him, even more time in Morgan’s office though. “You.”  
   
“Me?”  
   
“Yeah. We. We chat. Sometimes. Alona maybe.” Jensen rubbed at his forearm and hoped they were head for a subject change.  
   
“How often do you speak with Jared?”  
   
“I try not to.”  
   
“Why?”  
   
“We don’t get along.”  
   
“How do you feel that started?”  
   
“What?” Jensen folded his arms across his chest and stretched his legs out; He was tired of sitting.  
   
“Why is it,” Jeff said precisely, “that you and Jared don’t get along?”  
   
Jensen wetted his lips and then sighed. He’d known that Morgan would get around to asking directly eventually. “I’m an asshole?”  
   
“That’s a cop-out.”  
   
“Look. What do you want from me? The pretty boy is irritating. Thinks he knows it all; well, he does know a lot. But.” Jensen scratched the stubble on his chin. “Is there some rule that says I have to get along with everyone on the crew?”  
   
Morgan should his head and leaned back in his chair. “You know there isn’t. But, you did attack Jared today. That’s a bit of an extreme reaction.”  
   
Finally, something Jensen could respond to. “I lost it. I had just really wanted to tell Mack that I was okay. She’s all I got. I don’t. I mean.” Jensen shrugged as the words got all tangled up in his mind.  
   
“Do you miss Mack?”  
   
“Of course I do.” Jensen leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. She’s the only thing that I miss from home. Well, Mack and football.”  
   
Morgan completely ignored Jensen’s attempt at humor. “It must be hard being away from your support system.”  
   
Jensen looked up and studied Morgan’s face. “Uh. Yeah. But - this isn’t my first rodeo. I’m self-reliant. That’s the best way to be.”  
   
Nodding slowly, Morgan dropped his gaze for a moment.  
   
“So. You’re attracted to men and don’t want to get to know Jared on the off chance you may develop feelings for him and become reliant in some way.”  
   
Mouth open in protest, Jensen found himself at a loss for words for a few moments. “Are you in a rush? Am I keeping you from something? I mean, don’t worry about being subtle and shit - just throw all your crazy theories on the table.”  
   
Laughter shook Morgan’s body for a few seconds before the sound reached Jensen’s ears. “Jensen, you’re twenty-eight years old. You’re racing towards the completion of a mission that may be the last thing you do with your life. Isn’t that, basically, what you said yesterday?”  
   
This new direct approach of Jeff’s was getting under Jensen’s skin. Maybe the guy had files about him, details about his entire life but that didn’t mean that Morgan knew all of what was going on in Jensen’s mind. “I have a big job, Jeff.”  
   
The doctor looked up but said nothing.  
   
“I don’t need complications. Was I out of line yesterday? Yes. Absolutely. I will apologize to Jared. I just - - it’s been 16 months and I lost track of myself a little. It won’t happen again.” Jensen wasn’t entirely sure he could keep his pledge but hell, he just really wanted to not be talking about it.  
   
For a while, Jeff looked like he might be trying to come up with something to say but then his expression softened, and he relaxed back into his chair.  
   
“Okay, Jensen. I want you in the viewing pod on the observation deck for at least one hour every day. I don’t care when-”  
   
“One hour?!” Jensen launched himself out of the chair and paced over to the dispenser so he could get some water. “But, I can’t work on anything in the pod.”  
   
Jensen knew the pod and he hated it. It was one of those things that crew members either loved or hated. It was a small chamber, basically big enough for two people with some room to spare. You grabbed a bar and slid inside, and it was like sliding out into space.  
   
“I know, that’s the point. You need some time when you’re not walking on the ship, just relax Jensen. It won’t kill you.”  
   
Clamping his teeth down on his tongue, Jensen managed not to say anything he would regret. He knew that Morgan could prescribe a lot worse and the last thing Jensen’ wanted was more downtime. “Okay,” he muttered.  
   
“Think about what I said, Jensen.”  
   
When Jensen turned around with his water, Morgan was standing behind him. The man was some kind of creepy space ninja.  
   
“Yeah, Doc. I will. Am I free to go now?”  
   
Morgan nodded with a smile on his face. “And I will check the Obs log daily... starting tonight.”  
   
“Fine.” Jensen turned quickly before Morgan could come up with anything else to ask him. The empty corridor had never looked so good as Jensen made his escape. He’d get the pod thing out of the way just after the end of the evening shift. No one would be up then, and he could head back to the engine flank afterward.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
The pod in the observation deck was the one place on the ship that felt safe to Jared. There was no noise; the pod was insulated well against the pressure and cold of space. It didn’t even seem like there was anyone else on the crew that liked the pod. Jared never had any trouble finding it time in it. He couldn't understand why people would avoid it - it was his favorite place on the ship.  
   
The door swished open, Jared grabbed the overhead bar and slid into the secondary observation pod quickly. The door was already hissing shut when he realized the small space was already occupied.  
   
Not only was the space occupied but Jared was nearly pressed up against the other person. And that other person happened to be Jensen.  
   
“I didn’t know you were here,” Jared said quickly.  
   
“I didn’t flip the privacy marker.”  
   
Jared nodded and reached up to grab the ceiling slide bar. “I’ll just-”  
   
“Have you seen this constellation from this angle?”  
   
Jared froze and looked up at the galaxy spread out before them. He wasn’t sure if it was another dig at his lack of experience of if Jensen was actually curious. “You know I haven’t-”  
   
Jensen shifted slightly before cutting Jared off. “I didn’t think that-. Okay. Listen. You and I got off on the wrong foot.”  
   
“Clearly,” Jared muttered.  
   
“Man. C’mon, I’m apologizing.”  
   
“Okay.”  
   
“Yeah.” Jensen fell silent.  
   
Jared let go of the ceiling bar and waited for a while, but Jensen said nothing. “Was that the actual apology?”  
   
“Yes.”  
   
“Apology accepted then.” Jared couldn’t help smiling at the ridiculous situation.  
   
They were quiet for a while. Oddly enough, it wasn’t too uncomfortable considering what had passed between them. The distant stars provided a little ambient light and Jared settled back down on the soft support.  
   
“When I was a kid, I used to look up at the stars and imagine flying from one to another. Visiting each one. I always imagined that there were people on the stars. Don’t know why.” Jared kept his voice soft in the intimate space of the pod.  
   
“We probably do that because we’re human. It’s what we know.”  
   
“Like us and Baby.” Jared smiled at the dark space above him.  
   
“You been talkin’ to Morgan?”  
   
Jared thought he could detect a hint of accusation in Jensen’s voice, but he tried to ignore it. “No. I mean, not about you if that’s what you mean. I told him once that I thought Baby was more than just a ship. He said that we humanize-”  
   
“-machines because it makes us more comfortable,” Jensen finished.  
   
Jared laughed and turned his head to study Jensen’s profile. “Is it a standard speech of Jeff’s?”  
   
“I think it’s because he thinks about Baby like a crew member too.” Jensen smiled. “He’s just trying to remind himself she’s not human.  
   
Jared couldn’t help grinning. It was partly due to the relief he was feeling. All these months and he was finally able to have a conversation with Jensen that didn’t involve yelling. It felt pretty good, given the circumstances.  
   
There were quiet for a while longer, eyes moving slowly over the unfamiliar constellations they were traveling through. They were moving fast enough that the star field wasn’t static. Jared liked it. He was more comfortable seeing movement - knowing they were still headed in the right direction.  
   
“Jensen?”  
   
“Hmm.”  
   
“I didn’t mean to take up too much time. I. I’m sorry you couldn’t send a message to your sister.”  
   
Jensen didn’t answer for a few moments and Jared wondered if he’d managed to ruin all their tentative progress. But then the engineer took a deep breath and turned his face so he could see Jared. “I practically raised Mack. My folks were there but they just weren’t all that interested in us. I’m only doing this for her.”  
   
“So she can feel the sun on her face,” Jared said softly.  
   
Something changed on Jensen’s face, his expression softened, and the tension seemed to slip away. “Yeah. Even if it doesn’t last. I thought - I just wanted her to know what that was like.”  
   
It made Jared’s chest ache to think about his own family. He’d never thought that he would be the kind of person who volunteered for something as important as their mission. It was life-changing. If the crew of the Impala II was successful … when they were successful, eight minutes later, Earth would be a far better place to be. Eight minutes. Two years for the Impala II to arrive at the Sun and eight minutes for the burst of light to arrive at Earth.  
   
“What you thinkin’ about?”  
   
Jared blinked a few times and tilted his head slightly. “Eight minutes.”  
   
“Doesn't seem right, does it?” Jensen shifted around a little and the back of his hand rested against Jared’s.  
   
Resisting the urge to move, Jared stared so hard at the star spotted expanse above them that his eyes began to water. “Doesn’t seem right,” he echoed.  
   
“You got family back home?”  
   
Jared nodded. “Mom, dad, older brother and younger sister. What about your folks?”  
   
Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Jensen’s body stiffen slightly.  
   
“Another time,” was all Jensen said.  
   
At least it hadn’t resulted in another argument. Jared figured he was probably better off keeping his questions to himself. It was safer, and he certainly wasn’t looking for another brawl.  
   
“How’s your jaw?”  
   
“Sore.” Jared laughed nervously.  
   
“Sorry. You put a cold pack on it?”  
   
“Yeah.” Jared sighed. It seemed like he should leave Jensen alone; leave while things were still good. “I’m gonna, sleep I think. Head to my quarters, I mean.” He gazed over at Jensen, his eyes tracking the route of the man’s perfect profile.  
   
“Okay,” Jensen said as he turned his head. Their eyes met, and Jared felt a strange shiver move down his body. Jensen’s eyes were unusually bright, wide green rings of color around the dark center. Jared pressed his lips together firmly and had to look away.  
   
“Was nice talkin’ to ya.” Jared allowed himself a slight smile before brushing his fingers over the opener. He reached up for the pull bar and slid himself out of the pod. Jensen was already looking back out at the endless night.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jensen slept when he was tired. When he was awake he spent nearly all his time in the aft of the ship. There was always something to check. He wanted everything to run optimally; it felt, somehow, important.  
   
Being occupied also helped to keep Jensen’s mind from wandering. Jared was a topic he skated around whenever possible. After their late-night conversation in the Ob pod, Jensen had found that he just couldn’t go back to being angry at the young physicist. Physicist. Hell. With his long floppy hair, lopsided grin and … well … that was how Jensen’s thoughts always began to wander.  
   
A week had passed since their late-night rendezvous and things had settled. Jensen only ran into Jared in the Galley, but it was different. He wasn’t all buddy-buddy with Jared, but he found he no longer felt the need to bitch at him.  
   
He chatted like everyone else, pleasantries, the occasional joke, and everyone seemed to relax. Morgan commented to Jensen quietly one evening that it was a nice change; the improved dynamic between Jensen and Jared had had an effect on the entire crew.  
   
Jensen shook his head and refocused himself. There was that wandering thing again.  
   
The main frame of Baby’s computer was huge. It weighed about a ton and was lowered into the sea blue liquid coolant. It ran hot as Hell and the coolant absorbed the reactive energy and recycled it.  
   
A lot of Jensen’s time in the core was spent ensuring that the core of the mainframe was balanced; the temperature stable. Simple tools, integral and complex tasks - a great deal of Jensen’s job was like that.  
   
“Hey.”  
   
Jensen nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Jared’s voice directly behind him. As his head whipped to the side, his elbow connected hard with the corner of the mainframe’s bracket. Pain shot up his arm and the wrench he was holding fell from his fingers, clanged off the metal floor panel and bounced into the deep blue of the coolant gel.  
   
“Shit.” Jensen dropped to his knees almost immediately and shoved his hand into the freezing azure to snatch the wrench out.  
   
It took less than a second to retrieve the tool, but the damage was done. Pain burned white hot through Jensen’s fingers, rippled across his palm and began a slow creep up his arm. “Fuck,” he murmured.  
   
“God, are you okay?” Jared’s long fingers curled around Jensen’s wrist.  
   
“Grab the med kit on the wall. There’s, uhhh, shit, burn healer in there.” As Jared spun away, Jensen stumbled back a step and then lowered himself to the floor. The pain was excruciating, and Jensen clamped his jaw shut.  
   
He could hear Jared fumbling in the kit and something rattled along the counter. Then Jared took a couple of huge steps and sank down beside Jensen. “Okay, just a couple more seconds.”  
   
Jensen squeezed his eyes shut against the burn of tears. His hand was throbbing and the skin on his fingers was already changing color.  
   
The spray let out a pop as Jared flipped off the safety and flipped the trigger. The pain bled away as the spray settled over Jensen’s flesh and he let out a shaky sigh. Bile was creeping up his throat; his body was still experiencing the echo of the pain.  
   
“Hey, you alright?” Jared’s voice was soft, his thumb rubbing over the sensitive skin on the underside of Jensen’s wrist.  
   
Blinking slowly, Jensen nodded. He felt a little dizzy, but the pain had almost completely disappeared. He could see the color in his fingers returning to normal under the film of the spray and took a few deep breaths.  
   
“It’s okay,” Jared whispered. His finger slid up Jensen’s arm, working the tense muscles gently.  
   
There were entirely too many things going on in Jensen’s mind. The echo of the pain lingered, pressing in on him. The rough sweep of Jared’s fingers on his skin took what was left of Jensen’s breath away.  
   
It was a mistake for him to look up. It was a big mistake. Jared’s eyes were wide beneath wisps of his hair; his lips parted slightly.  
   
It was like something pushed Jensen forward; an invisible hand pressed to the middle of his back. He licked his lips slowly, and then they were pressed to Jared’s.  
   
Jared’s lips were soft, slick and Jensen felt a burst of pleasure deep in his gut. He tilted his head slightly to slide the kiss deeper. For a moment, Jared’s lips parted more; Jensen’s tongue ghosted forward. Then Jared was jolting back like he’d been burned.  
   
“Jensen. No. This … I can’t.”  
   
The words got into Jensen’s mind, but he couldn’t make sense of them. The kiss, however brief, hadn’t felt like no or can’t. He sat back on his heels, brows drawing together in confusion.  
   
“I’m sorry, Jensen.” Jared clambered up to his feet and took a few steps backward. “I shouldn't have come here.”  
   
Jensen was sure there were words, somewhere, in the ether, that would get Jared to stay; turn things around - but he just couldn’t get a hold of them. He had to settle for watching Jared leaving through the sliding door.  
   
-=-=-  
   
Everyone had gathered in the Galley shortly after an announcement made by the Captain. They were quiet; it was the first time they’d all been called together since they’d left the Earth’s orbit.  
   
Jared had lingered outside the door until Morgan arrived, so they could walk in together. He had been getting better at tricks to help him avoid Jensen. It was easier than trying to face the fact that he was a coward. He didn’t have a problem with bronc riding a bomb straight towards the sun, but relationships were something else altogether.  
   
They sat quickly. The Captain looked preoccupied. DJ almost looked smug.  
   
“Okay. Now that you’re all here,” The Captain began. “DJ?”  
   
Nodding, DJ sat up a little straighter. “I was monitoring a range of frequencies last night and picked up a strange signal. Baby, play sound file DJQ00349”  
   
“Yes, DJ.”  
   
There was a very slight pause and then sound filled the galley. It reminded Jared of whale song. But it was repetitive. A downbeat, followed by two upbeats and a smooth swing of sound.  
   
“What is it?” Alona asked.  
   
After a quick glance at the Captain, DJ looked down the length of the table. “It’s the Impala I. It’s her distress beacon.”  
   
“What?” Alona turned to look at Jared but all he could do was shrug. The Impala I hadn’t been heard from since she’d entered the no-comm zone seven years earlier. They’d waited longer than they should have because everyone had hoped that she would make it.  
   
“Are they still alive?” Matt asked in his usual soft tone.  
   
The Captain shrugged a shoulder.  
   
“They sure could be,” Jared said. “If they kept their oxygen garden rotation going. They might have had enough food and water for a crew of seven.”  
   
Alona nodded and looked over at the Captain. “And there might not have even been seven of them. We don’t know what happened to the ship. There could have been an accident …. or anything.”  
   
Morgan finally broke his silence. “Do we know their exact location?”  
   
DJ nodded. “Baby was able to pinpoint their location. When we make our final circle of Mercury toward the sun we will pass within 10 or 15 thousand miles of them.”  
   
“Oh my God,” whispered Alona. “We might be about to see them.”  
   
There were a few beats of silence as everyone seemed to be trying to absorb the news. Jared shifted nervously in the chair. An entire crew of people might have been trapped out there in the darkness for 7 years. It was kind of a horrifying thought.  
   
“I’m not a hundred percent certain,” Matt began. “But I think we could use existing gravitational pull to reroute enough to reach them. We wouldn’t even lose that much-”  
   
“Wait a minute,” Jensen interrupted. “We are not actually talking about going off mission, are we?”  
   
The room was silent.  
   
Jensen threw his hands up. “No. We gave up everything to do this. Nothing is more important than us completing our mission. That stellar bomb has to be ignited."  
   
“But there is something on the Impala I that is more valuable,” Morgan said firmly. “This bomb that we’re carrying is the result of years of planning and mining non-renewable resources.”  
   
Jensen shook his head and looked over at Jim. “Captain?”  
   
“Jeff has a valid point,” the Captain said.  
   
Morgan stood and leaned on the table. His eyes were wide, sparkling in the bright galley lights. “Jared, you know better than anyone. That bomb of yours is our last, best hope of restarting the sun. But the Impala I has another identical bomb. Aren’t two last hopes better than one?”  
   
Jared knew that Morgan wasn’t really asking him the question, but he could already feel the weight of it sitting heavily on his shoulders.  
   
“Does the risk of a detour outweigh the value of having another bomb?” The Captain’s question seemed to hang in the air over the table before dissipating.  
   
Jared swept his hair back off his forehead. There were some good points being made. Having two bombs would give them two chances to save everyone back home. But if something went wrong because of a simple detour they could lose everything.  
   
Jensen stood and leaned over the table menacingly. His eyes locked with the Captain. “You are not making this decision alone. We should vote.”  
   
“This isn’t a democracy, Jensen.” Morgan’s voice was firm, and everyone fell silent. When he spoke again his voice was a bit softer. “We were selected from thousands of candidates from every part of the world because of our knowledge, our skills. Astronauts and scientists-”  
   
“He’s right,” the Captain said. “The decision should be made by the one most qualified to make it. Our physicist.”  
   
Jared’s head snapped up and he stared hard at the Captain. “Shit.”  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jared went to his usual retreat. The payload bay was comforting. It may be based on some of the most theoretical physics equations in the world, but it was what he knew.  
   
He ran variations on the bomb deployment scenario about a hundred times. Each time he would run through all the equations with Baby. The problem was that during each run there was a point at which there just wasn’t enough fact for them to work with.  
   
Jared heard the buzz of the entry request at the bay door. He looked over at the image of the Captain that had appeared on the Security panel. “Baby, let the Captain in. Authcode Padalecki037.”  
   
It took a while for the Captain to arrive at the payload control center so Jared touched the keypad a few times to start off another scenario. As he watched the floating recreation in the middle of the room he heard the Captain’s footsteps behind him.  
   
The three-dimensional recreation of their ship was hurtling around the dying sun. As Jared and the Captain watched the ignition was activated. The entire aft portion of the ship lit up white hot and then the image froze.  
   
“Jared?” Baby’s voice seemed small in the huge room.  
   
“Yes, Baby.”  
   
“I am unable to run the scenario beyond this point as the reliability of all data falls below 50%”  
   
“Run the scenario again, Baby.” Jared perched on the edge of his desk and looked over at the Captain.  
   
Jim tapped his fist to his lips a few times as he watched the project begin again. After a while, he sighed and folded his arm. “You made your decision?”  
   
“It’s hardly a decision,” Jared answered. He was frustrated as Hell. It was the first time since the journey had started that he felt regret about signing on to the crew.  
   
“Captain? The best I can do is make a guess. This close to the sun there are so many variables. It’s like trying to calculate the impact of a black hole. That kind of stuff is unquantifiable.”  
   
“So. Make a guess then. You’re still the most qualified person on the ship to guess.”  
   
For a handful of heartbeats, Jared just stared at the flickering scenario. It came to a halt at the same spot as every other time he had run it.  
   
“Morgan was right,” Jared said firmly. “The bomb is our last hope; our best hope. Having two last hopes is better than having one.”  
   
Jim nodded, and in typical fashion turned and strode off without another word.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
The light was burning into Jared’s eyes. It was too bright, too powerful. And then he was falling. Spread eagle; mouth open for a soundless scream. Jared was falling so fast he could only hear air rushing past his ears.  
   
He kept trying to scream, to call out to someone, anyone who could help him. Somehow, he just knew that there was no one left though. He was alone.  
   
Finally, wind still tearing at his clothes and the sun so hot it felt like it would burn the skin right off his face; he screamed.  
   
The sound took every ounce of breath in Jared’s lungs. It tore at his throat and his body went into a spin as he tried to stop himself. But he just kept going. The fiery air around him nipped hotly at his flesh.  
   
When his scream finally ended he sucked in a breath and yelled again. It was never-ending.  
   
“Jared?”  
   
The nightmare shattered around Jared and his lashes fluttered slowly. He knew that voice. Alona.  
   
“Jared. It’s okay. It’s a nightmare.”  
   
A small hand smoothed over Jared’s forehead. Alona. All those shattered pieces of dream ricocheted off into the darkness of his sleep quarters.  
   
“Surface of the sun?” There was a strange smile on Alona’s face. Knowing and fearful at the same time. Her broad, ivory brow was furrowed slightly.  
   
Rather than speaking, Jared just nodded then let himself drop back down to the thin mattress.  
   
“Only dream I ever have now,” she said as she let herself fall forward. Alona nestled under Jared’s arm.  
   
“Did I wake you?”  
   
Alona sighed and slid her arm over Jared’s chest. “No. I was about to go for a walk. Heard you and thought I’d save you from falling all the way.”  
   
“I guess it makes sense that we dream it. We are kind of falling towards the sun.” Jared wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or Alona that the dreams were normal.  
   
“Jared, I never got a chance to tell you before...but I think you made the right decision.”  
   
“Jensen doesn’t. Maybe DJ and the Captain don’t. I mean, I made the only decision I could.” His voice trailed off in the close darkness. It really should matter a lot that Alona agreed with him. The fact was that Jared hadn’t been prepared for how bad it would feel to know he and Jensen saw things so differently.  
   
“Why do you care so much about what he thinks?” Alona’s eyes were bright in the darkness, her face reflecting the dim light of the wall console.  
   
“Al, I know I’m supposed to just ignore him, but you know it’s not that easy. If things were different - if we weren’t racing straight into the sun … maybe...”  
   
Tilting her head slightly, Alona smiled. There was a sadness to it that seemed to be present more often than when they’d first met. “It might not be the end of everything. We might make it back.”  
   
“Maybes usually don’t add up to being enough,” Jared said. He dragged his hand down his face and groaned. “Enough of that. How come you’re not sleeping?”  
   
“Like I said, same dream, only dream. Sometimes a walk seems like the answer.” Alona leaned a little closer.  
   
“Maybe we should get some pills from Morgan?”  
   
Alona’s laugh was soft, a familiar sound that went a long way to soothing Jared’s nerves. “Jay, the last thing I need is an appointment with Doctor Crazy - have you seen how much he’s been hanging out on the observation deck? Just stares at the sun and -”  
   
The shrill whistle of the ship’s alarm cut Alona off mid-sentence. Their eyes met and then both of them were scrambling to their feet and heading out into the hall towards the bridge.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jared’s feet nearly slipped out from under him as he rounded the last corner into the bridge. The alarm was even louder in the circular wheelhouse of the Captain. He took up his station by DJ and began some system checks.  
   
“Baby, silence the alarm,” Alona ordered as she slid into the pilot’s seat.  
   
The Captain and Morgan arrived at the same time. Jensen was already hunched over the ship’s engine console.  
   
“DJ, report,” the Captain barked.  
   
“Damage to the starboard shields. As soon as we put in the new coordinates for the rendezvous the shields were compromised.”  
   
“I fucked up,” Matt said.  
   
Jared heard the desperation in Matt’s voice and that sent a cold shiver down his spine. He spun in his chair slowly until he could see Matt. Matt was standing near the navigation station. His face was pale, fists clenched at his sides.  
   
“What happened, Matt?” Jensen stood and took a couple of hesitant steps toward Matt.  
   
Matt scratched at his hair, fingers almost claw-like, face lined with worry. “I fucked up. There were so many calculations and I was altering things that I never thought we would change.”  
   
“Jesus, Matt, what happened?” Alona, normally fearless, looked a little wary and Jared’s heart sped up.  
   
“I got the coordinates right, the gravity changes, everything,” Matt said. “But the course changed our angle to the sun. I had to override Baby to make the changes. I forgot to change the angle of the shields.”  
   
Cool fingers of fear clawed at the flesh of Jared’s back and he shivered. Matt was frozen on the spot, staring down at the table full of numerals.  
   
Jensen slapped at the back of his chair angrily. “Fuck, Matt - how did you-”  
   
“Hold on,” Jim said sharply. “Facts. DJ? What’s the actual damage?”  
   
DJ’s fingers flew over the touch panel in front of him. “Three panels read as disabled. But, we’d need to send someone out there to tell how bad it is because the sensors were damaged.”  
   
Jared glanced over at Morgan, but the doctor was stoic as usual.  
   
“It’s a two-man job,” the Captain said matter-of-factly. “I’ll go but I’ll need a volunteer.”  
   
“I volunteer,” said Jensen.  
   
The Captain nodded.  
   
But Jensen wasn’t finished. “I volunteer Jared.”  
   
Shock rippled through Jared’s body. He was the only one of them who had never completed an actual spacewalk. Jensen knew that. They all knew each other’s backgrounds and experience.  
   
Alona stood, hands on her hips and glared at Jensen. “Ackles. You-”  
   
“I’ll do it,” Jared said quickly. He watched Jensen’s face and saw the man’s expression soften slightly.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
The gold protective material of the space suit was as light as it could be made but it still felt bulky to Jared. Sweat was already damp in the small of his back and his forehead.  
   
Alona slipped a small hand into the front of Jared’s helmet. She was smiling but Jared could tell that she was nervous too. She wiped his brow quickly and then slipped a band of cloth around his forehead and tucked his hair beneath it.  
   
“You’ve done this in the simulator a ton of times, Jared. This is just the same.”  
   
Jared nodded as much as he was able and then smiled when Alona pressed her finger to the tip of his nose. The faceplate closed and Alona disappeared. Jared was left with a small window of vision and his heart pounding hard and loud in his ears.  
   
The first few steps outside the airlock were the worst and then Jared relaxed slightly. Rather than looking at the vast darkness surrounding them, he focused on the Captain’s gold suit. For a few steps he was confused; his brain clung pointlessly to the concept of “up” and “down” and then he was able to reorient himself.  
   
“Jared, you’re doing great,” said Alona’s voice in his ear. She sounded as clear as if she were standing right there with him. “Just breathe normally and keep your moves slow and steady.”  
   
“Roger.”  
    
They made their way carefully across the field of reflective shields. Jared hadn’t really thought about how large they were until he was standing right on top of one. All he could see reflected on the panel was the dark, velvet-blue of space and all the stars in the distance.  
   
Following the Captain’s directions, Jared helped to lift the first of the disabled shields open so the Captain could survey the damage. As the minutes passed, Jared tried to focus on breathing normally and not drinking all the water in his suit.  
   
“We can do it,” came the Captain’s voice.  
   
There was a small click in Jared’s helmet before Alona’s voice. “Say again, Captain?”  
   
Jim turned his suit so he could see Jared and gave him the thumbs up. “We can fix them, Alona but it’s going to take us a while.”  
   
Jared heard a cheer on the radio link before Alona disconnected. Then he watched as the Captain ducked under the light shield again. “Alona? As much time in the shade as you can buy us?”  
   
“Affirmative, Captain.”  
   
Jared settled in at the end of the shield he was holding open. It would be a while but, at least, everything could be fixed.  
   
 -=-=-=-  
   
Jensen let out a sigh of relief and headed over to Matt. He patted the navigator on the shoulders. “It’s cool, Matt. Relax, we can fix this.”  
   
Matt nodded gratefully and sank down into the closest chair.  
   
“Baby, I’m going to take manual control of the ship for a while. I need to ensure the Captain and Jared stay in the shade. Do we understand each other?”  
   
The voice of the mainframe was loud on the bridge. “Yes, Alona. Manual control confirmed.”  
   
“We’ll lose communications tower three if you realign the ship,” DJ said sharply.  
   
“I’d rather not lose Jim and Jared,” Alona spat.  
   
Jensen’s shoulder ached from all the tension in his body and he rolled his head from side to side. “DJ, the comm tower is an acceptable loss. We’ll worry about it later.  
    
DJ scowled but turned away. Jensen knew the comms officer wouldn’t take him on over something like that. It was just territorial pissing that made him bring it up at all.  
   
“Entering manual mode; beginning realignment.” Alona shifted in her seat as she focused on her control panel.  
   
Turning back to his panel Jensen switched to the outer camera view. The Impala II was an amazing feat of engineering but she was far from indestructible. The shields were durable but there was always human error as Matt had just proved. Jensen shook off his thoughts as the ship groaned and clunked.  
   
“Sounds like she’s being torn apart,” DJ said.  
   
“It’s just the ship reacting to the heat from the sun,” Alona said without altering her focus.  
   
“I know that, Fly girl. It just sounds bad.” DJ sounded a little indignant and Jensen couldn’t help smirking.  
   
An alarm sounded briefly until DJ tapped something on his panel. “Comm tower three is offline.”  
   
“As expected,” Alona said.  
   
Jensen switched his view panel to the vital signs of the Captain and Jared. For his part, the Captain looked as though he was on a park bench reading the paper. Jared’s heartbeat was elevated; he was burning through oxygen twice as fast at the Captain. Guilt nudged at Jensen and his thumb hovered over the comm link.  
   
Another ship-wide alarm sounded, and Jensen started.  
   
“Resuming control of the Impala II,” said the steady voice of the ship.  
   
Jensen spun to look at Alona but she frowned and shook her head. “Negative Baby. Manual control.”  
   
“Negative, Alona.”  
   
“Jensen, she’s locked me out.” Alona glared down at her console.  
   
“Baby!” Jensen climbed out of his seat and headed over to stand near Alona. “State reason for computer control.”  
   
“Collapse of comm tower three has started a fire in the oxygen garden. Mission completion is in jeopardy.”  
   
Alona spun and looked up at Jensen. “We have to keep them in the shade. If she returns us to our original coordinates they’ll be in full sunlight before they make it back to the airlock.”  
   
Jensen tried to slow the thoughts that were spinning out of control in his mind.  
   
“Baby, crew emergency override. Talona-omega. Return control to manual,” ordered Alona.  
   
“Require second crew authorization.”  
   
“Jensen?” Alona already had her fingers settled on the navigation panel in front of her but when Jensen didn’t say anything she turned to glare at him.  
   
The thought of losing two crew members was heavy. And Jared. But the mission was the most important thing. If the Impala II became disabled there would be little chance of them completing their mission.  
   
“Jesus Christ, DJ!” Alona glared at Jensen.  
   
“Qualls-delta, Baby. Return control to Alona,” DJ said hurriedly.  
   
“Wait,” Jensen said quietly. “Back me up on this, Captain.”  
   
There were only about two seconds of silence before the Captain's voice filled the bridge. “He’s right. Baby, return the Impala to her original angle.”  
   
Jensen nodded slowly and watched as Alona brought a hand up to her mouth.  
   
“Affirmative, Captain.” Baby’s voice hadn’t changed at all. It seemed too matter-of-fact. But then the ship’s intelligence wouldn’t have any trouble at all placing a value on human life. From a factual point of view, there was no comparison.  
   
Jensen suddenly found his gaze locked with Alona’s and it burned right into him. He looked away. It was easy for her to be all indignant and hurt when there was someone else to do what was right.  
   
“My God,” Matt murmured. “They’ll die if they stay out there to fix those shields.”  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
“Jared, head back to the airlock,” the Captain ordered.  
   
Jared’s mind was reeling. He knew what was happening; everyone did. It was the right decision but there was no way to prepare for the kinds of decisions they had to make. Ultimately, Jared had been chosen because he could make the right decisions, just like the rest of the crew. He had firmly believed that until that very moment.  
   
Jared’s voice was a little shaky. “Captain. I can do this.”  
   
“Back to the airlock, Jared. That’s an order.”  
   
Jared could only just make out Jim’s eyes through both their faceplates. His face was calm; warm, brown eyes held no judgment.  
   
Pressing his lips together, Jared nodded.  
   
“You go now,” the Captain added. “I’ll follow when I can.  
   
It didn’t feel like the right thing to do but Jared turned and began the slow trek back to the airlock. He could already see on his head’s up that the temperature outside his suit was rising.  
   
He hefted his legs one at a time, step by step back down the shields that lay spread out in front of him. It had taken a long time to get out there and it felt like it would take forever to get back to the airlock.  
   
“About to begin the closing process for the final damaged shield,” said the Captain’s voice.  
   
“You need to turn back,” Jared said. There was sweat trickling down his neck in annoying rivulets. “Captain?”  
   
“Just keep goin’, Jared.”  
   
The shushing sound of the suit was so rhythmic that Jared was starting to feel like it was mocking him. He knew he was breathing too fast, using too much oxygen but he couldn't control it any longer.  
   
“Jared?”  
   
Alona.  
   
“Jared? You need to calm down. I know you’re scared, we’re all scared. Just keep walking normally. Listen to my voice.”  
   
Jared could see the edge of the field of shield panels. It was only a few lumbering steps away.  
   
“Jared. Keep going.” Alona’s voice was strained.  
   
But there was no way that Jared could keep walking. He could feel the heat of the sun like eyes boring into his back. It had to be reaching Jim if he hadn’t started to move. But he had to have begun his return journey.  
   
“Jared? Honey? Listen to me. You need to start moving.”  
   
Blinking out of his daze, Jared looked around. He hadn’t even realized that he’d stopped moving.  
   
The urge to turn around was gnawing at him. Sharp, pinpoint teeth of doubt were scraping down his bones.  
   
He turned around slowly. The Captain’s silhouette was still.  He hadn't moved.  
   
“Why isn’t he moving? Captain! Leave now. Come back to the airlock!” Jared yelled.  
   
Alona was starting to sound frantic over the radio. Words were getting all tangled together. There were too many voices and all Jared could focus on was the wall of fire that was bearing down on the Captain.  
   
“Jared, get back to the airlock!” Alona yelled.  
   
“Alona, why isn’t he moving?” Jared squinted against the blinding light of the sun. The Captain was a dark shadow in the river of light; a blind spot.  
   
Morgan’s voice broke through the clatter of voices in Jared’s helmet. “Captain? What can you see?”  
   
Everyone fell silent and Jared watched as the tsunami of fire crashed down over the shields.  
   
“What can you see!?” There was an edge to Morgan’s voice and Jared shuddered despite the heat.  
   
“He’s not moving,” Jared murmured.  
   
“Beautiful...” crackled the Captain’s voice.  
   
The waves of burning light engulfed the gold of the Captain’s suit and his scream nearly deafened Jared before the comm sync went silent.  
   
“Jared!” Jensen yelled. “Move!”  
   
Half falling backward, Jared grasped the edge of the shield panels and flipped underneath them, just ahead of the destructive path of the light that poured over the shield above him.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
The sadness and shock on the bridge was thick. It had taken Alona and Morgan nearly half an hour to talk Jared back into the airlock and then to peel the suit off him.  
   
Jensen had been worried about Jared before he was back in the airlock; he felt even worse once he saw the man.  
   
Jared sat at his station where Alona had left him. His hair, drenched with sweat, was pasted to his cheeks and forehead. The only movement he made was to drink from the bottle of water Alona had left at his station.  
   
That wasn’t all. Matt had collapsed when the Captain’s vital signs had zeroed.  
   
Jensen had never seen anyone just fold up like all the bones were sucked out of their body. It was eerie. DJ helped Morgan get Matt to sickbay on their way to the airlock.  
   
It seemed like everything had gone completely off the rails.  
   
Jensen heard footsteps behind him and tore his gaze away from Jared long enough to see Morgan approaching him. “Things aren’t good, Doc.”  
   
Instead of answering, Morgan sighed and motioned for Alona and DJ to join him back at the Navigator’s station.  
   
“DJ, I’ve had to sedate Matt. He’s completely unstable. I’m worried about what he might do to himself.”  
   
It wasn’t until that moment that it occurred to Jensen that, as second in rank, DJ had become Captain the second Jim had died. Shit.  
   
DJ folded his arms tight across his chest and leaned in a little closer so he could lower his voice. “The shields are 100 percent, thanks to Jim and Jared.”  
   
That unpleasant ache of guilt was back in Jensen’s gut. He found himself turning toward Jared again. The man was still slouched at his station, head hanging heavy between his shoulders.  
   
“We have another problem now,” Alona almost whispered. “The only way I could extinguish the fire in the oxygen garden was to flood that section of the ship with O2.”  
   
 “And?” Jensen swung his gaze back to the pilot.  
   
“We don’t have enough oxygen to reach the detonation coordinates.”  
   
DJ swore under his breath and Morgan sank down into Matt’s chair. “There must be something we can do,” he said weakly.  
   
“There is,” said Jensen. He looked back over at Jared and watched the young man rub the back of his neck. “We have no choice now but to dock with the Impala I.”  
   
Morgan looked up quickly. “And if we’re lucky?”  
   
“If we’re lucky, we’ll be able to fly her,” mumbled Jensen.   
   
-=-=-=-  
   
When Jared was finally rehydrated, he had gone to his quarters and had a shower. He let the steam wipe away the sweat and fear. He would never lose that image of the Captain standing on that expanse of reflective shields. It was like the Captain was the darkness and then, in an instant, he was gone. Every molecule of flesh and spirit was soaked up by the light.  
   
Later, clean, damp, re-dressed, Jared had headed straight for the payload bay. He’d laid down in the bed he’d set up in the bay. Only sleep seemed able to stop his mind from running over and over the events of the day.  
   
When the entry request woke him, he stared at the clock on the comm panel near the bed. He’d been asleep nearly 12 hours.  
   
Only Alona came down to see him there. Well, Alona and Jim. Remorse dragged like a dull blade across Jared’s chest. “Authcode Padalecki037.”  
   
Tucking one arm under his head, Jared rubbed at the stubble on his cheek. He hadn’t slept 12 consecutive hours since he’d boarded the Impala II. It was crazy. He balled up a fist and rubbed his eyes.  
   
Footsteps began to echo along the distant walkway, not Alona’s footsteps.  
   
He sat up in time to see Jensen walk into the small control room. “You come to bitch at me?”  
   
Jensen looked a little surprised and took a step back towards the entry. “No. I. I don’t know.”  
    
If there was anything Jared knew it was that he didn’t have the energy to take on Jensen. He knew Jensen disagreed with Jared’s decision to veer off course. He knew that was when everything had started to go wrong.  
   
“Everyone was worried about you.”  
   
“And you? Draw the short straw?” Jared leaned back against the wall. All that sleep and he was still exhausted.  
   
Jensen just shook his head and wandered over to the payload control panel.  
   
Sighing, Jared sat up then, swinging his legs out of the bed. He didn’t like anyone being near the control panel. It was like an itch behind his eyes, in the back of his throat where he couldn’t reach it. He padded over to the spread of lights and buttons. The metal deck was cold under his bare feet.  
   
Shoulder to shoulder with Jensen, Jared looked out over the payload. It had always reminded him of a gigantic chessboard: squares of chemicals and minerals, atoms, the perfect - flammable - combination.  
   
For once, the silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable. The presence of Jensen was comforting to Jared; a little bit of humanity in his sterile world of physics and machinery.  
   
Jensen shifted his weight, leaning a little closer to Jared. Jared was sure he wasn’t imagining the feel of body heat against his arm. Sure.  
   
“Jared?”  
   
Jared only had to tilt his head the slightest bit to see Jensen’s face. He waited.  
   
“Do you feel different now... now that we know we won’t make it back?”  
   
Jared leaned a little harder on the edge of the control panel. He was used to the Jensen who was always muttering about it being a one-way trip. It hadn’t even occurred to him that it might be all false bravado.  
   
Leaning down slightly, Jared reached across in front of Jensen to tap in a security code. For a few seconds, he felt Jensen’s breath, hot and moist, against his neck. He pulled back and programmed in one of the routine ignition tests.  
   
The entire bay dimmed, and streaks of light darted around in the cavernous space outside the payload control room.  
   
   
A shy smile tugged at Jared’s lips and he glanced at Jensen briefly then returned his eyes to the console. “This ignition process is like a knot of light, big ropes of light that tie and untie, repeatedly.”  
   
The lights in the huge payload chamber became more erratic as the countdown continued. “The ions in the chamber become increasingly charged, agitated until there’s so much energy that it starts to radiate out from them.”  
   
Jared reached for Jensen’s hand, hesitated, and then slipped his fingers through Jensen’s. He moved their hands up towards the glass in front of them. “Can you feel it?”  
   
It was a low rattle, a buzz of energy. It was a little like the feeling of falling too quickly, and yet, almost indescribable.  
   
Nerves fluttered in Jared’s stomach when Jensen was silent. He finally dredged up the courage to turn and look at Jensen only to find himself staring straight into the other man’s eyes.  
   
For some reason, Jensen was just staring up at him and Jared felt that look down every inch of his spine. He blinked a few times, rubbed his thumb over Jensen’s then looked back out at the glowing ball of light in the payload chamber.  
   
It took a few deep breaths for Jared to find his voice again. He rested their hands right against the cool glass so Jensen could feel the rumble of the ball of light. “When we’re almost on top of the sun, the gravitational pull will be so crazy. It will turn everything inside out - like a black hole. It will be nothingness and then the light will be absolutely everything.  
   
The test of the ignition routine finished, and the lights winked out. Jared pulled their hands back, letting his fall to his side. Jensen didn’t pull away.  
   
“Were you asking if I’m afraid, Jensen? No. I’m not.” Jared smiled. “We’re all just stardust.”  
   
“I’m afraid,” Jensen said in a near-whisper. But there was a slight smile on his face as he turned to look at Jared.  
   
Jared wasn’t sure exactly what Jensen was afraid of. He found it a little hard to believe that Jensen had ever been frightened by anything. He took a step forward and Jensen fell back a step, fingers pulling free.  
   
“Jensen-”  
   
Jensen slipped back into him, lips hovering, a teasing breath away from touching. Jared was scared to move, hanging there on the edge, and trying not to feel every hot puff of Jensen’s breath against his mouth.  
   
“I’m afraid,” Jensen said again. His knees bent slightly, and his body pressed against Jared’s. They were close enough for Jared to feel the tremble in Jensen’s body.  
   
It was too natural for Jared to slide his long fingers over Jensen’s hips. Through the thin uniform pants, he could feel the cut of Jensen’s hip bone and pressed his palms down harder.  
   
He wasn’t sure who moved first; he didn’t care. What he cared about was the way Jensen claimed his mouth in a rough kiss. It was hot, wet, and Jensen’s lips were about the softest Jared had ever tasted. But damn Jensen was strong.  
   
In a quick move, Jensen shoved Jared’s shoulder and spun him; pressing him up against the dark window.  
   
Heat fizzled through Jared’s body and he let out a ragged. He started to shake when Jensen mouthed an almost painful path down the back of his neck. His hands slid helplessly down the smooth glass as his breath left a plum of fog. “Jensen...”  
   
Jensen stilled instantly, forehead resting against the back of Jared’s head. A sick feeling surged up inside Jared. He hadn’t meant no or stop; he’d just meant  _Jensen_  and about a million other things he didn’t have a hope of putting into words.  
   
Before Jensen could pull away, Jared turned and pressed his lips to Jensen’s temple. “Don’t be afraid,” he said.  
   
When Jensen looked up, his eyes were almost black, lips glistening in the dim light. There was a flush across Jensen’s high cheekbones that Jared had never seen before. It looked good.  
   
This time, Jared leaned down to kiss the full pout on Jensen’s bottom lip. He sucked the scalding flesh into his mouth and bit down gently.  
   
Jensen let out a low gasp and pulled Jared with him as he stumbled back. His hands moved down Jared’s sides, fingers bumping over curves till they settled on Jared’s hips.  
   
The slightest tug or pull from either one of them kept them moving. Each press of a hot mouth prompted a scrape of nails over a shirt. Each slide of fingers into long hair yielded an open, waiting mouth.  
   
Jared’s heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to explode. When his legs hit the edge of his bed he collapsed gratefully; a few seconds more and his knees would have buckled.  
   
He took a few moments to try and steady himself. His hands slipped from Jensen’s waist; to his thighs. Jared tilted his head back to smile up at the man in front of him.  
    
The look on Jensen’s face was beautiful; it was a mixture of awe and disbelief. Jared had only a moment to wonder, once more, exactly what Jensen was afraid of. The Jensen's fingers were sliding into his hair. Nails scraped along his scalp and Jared’s breath faltered at the pleasure that rebounded through his body.  
   
“It’s okay,” Jared murmured. He leaned forward as he pushed at Jensen’s shirt. The bare skin revealed was hot to the touch and responsive. When Jared’s lips ghosted along Jensen’s waistband, the man’s stomach muscles rippled.  
   
“I know,” Jensen hissed as Jared’s teeth sank into his side.  
   
They fell onto the mattress in a heap. It felt to Jared like there were hands all over his skin; one touch bled into another as his body responded with shivers and goosebumps. Jensen was burning hot against him; hard muscle and smooth skin.  
   
When Jared’s shirt was pulled up and off he shuddered and pressed closer to Jensen’s side. Slick, hot skin rubbed and caught, and Jared moaned as Jensen’s lips traced the shell of his ear.  
   
Jared gave back what he got. He tugged on the cloth belt low on Jensen’s hips and worked it open. His fingers slipped under the cloth and he eased it down as slowly as he could. Jensen’s hips were rocking slightly; his moans impatient against the sensitive flesh of Jared’s throat.  
   
Finally, their bodies were flush, hot, legs entangled, arms circled around fast-moving chests.  
   
Nothing had ever felt like being spread out under Jensen’s body. Jared couldn’t stop the shake of his fingers as they rode the gentle curves of Jensen’s body to settle on the swell of his ass.  
   
A gentle tug was all it took for Jensen’s body to roll hard against Jared’s. Their mouths came together in a crushing kiss; Jared sucked in a breath and let out a low moan.  
   
It hurt; it felt better than anything else ever had. The thick weight of Jensen’s arousal slid along the furrow of Jared’s hip and he threw his head back. He couldn’t help the way his fingers clawed down the expanse of Jensen’s bare back.  
   
Pushing his hips up off the bed, Jared sucked in a deep breath. The scent of Jensen was all around him; it was heavy and musky and sent a new wave of heat rippling down Jared’s body. His own hard flesh slid along Jensen’s hot skin and he thought that he could lose his mind from that much pleasure.  
   
Bodies writhing together, the men moaned and whispered, clawed, and soothed. It was too much and too little and Jared felt like he was being pulled apart at the seams.  
   
He clung to Jensen, long arms cinched around the man’s sweat-damp skin. His nails dug hard into Jensen’s skin and that only seemed to spur Jensen on.  
   
Their bodies continued to slide and grind; hips rocked forward, pleasure tore through Jared’s body. It was overwhelming and amazing, and Jared couldn’t seem to pull Jensen close enough.  
   
Everything whirled out of control so fast, Jared was left breathless. He cried out, pleasure tipping him over the edge into the oblivion of release. His body jerked up, spine arching up into the hard body above him.  
   
Release slammed into Jared, pulse after unforgiving pulse of letting go. He gasped out a moan and flipped his leg over Jensen’s to hold him as close as he could.  
   
For a few moments, Jensen thrust against Jared’s body almost desperately. His hands snatched at Jared’s hair, mouth open and panting hotly against Jared’s neck. His entire body shuddered, and Jared felt the warm wetness of their release sliding together between their bodies.  
   
Jensen collapsed on Jared; his body jerked and twitched as he relaxed. Jared looped a weak arm around Jensen’s neck and held on tightly. It was possible there were a few things that make him a little afraid; Jensen just might be one of them.  
   
 -=-=-=-  
   
Jensen hadn’t seen Jared since he’d woken up, surprised, in Jared’s bed right before he was scheduled to be on shift. It wasn’t strange that they hadn’t seen each other since that moment; the crew all worked on different rotations.   
   
Alona had been giving them updates on their arrival time at the Impala I. That time had come far sooner than Jensen had expected. That was how he ended up standing in the airlock in a Protech suit and seeing Jared for the first time since he’d fallen asleep spread right across the man’s body.  
   
It wasn’t uncomfortable. Jared smiled. He ducked his head down a little; shy with a flush creeping up his neck. Jensen liked it. He wasn’t entirely sure he liked that he liked it - but he didn’t have time to worry about it too much. With a half-smirk on his face, he pushed aside the little itch of want that appeared as he watched Jared zip into his suit.  
   
The plan was for DJ, Morgan, and Jared to join him on the trip over to the Impala I. The ship had been nothing more than a piece of history until they’d locked with her docking bay.  
   
Once Alona confirmed the atmosphere was breathable, they headed out. The trip through the airlock was brief and Jensen had no trouble disengaging the manual door lock.   
   
They were on the Impala I when Jensen first felt as though something was wrong. The ship was completely still. There, of course, was no engine rumble but it was more than that. It was dead calm.  
   
“I’m gonna see if I can get the mainframe or the flight computer up,” Jensen said. His voice sounded dull as it was soaked up by the inches of dust on every available flat surface.  
   
“Yup, sure,” DJ answered quickly.  
   
Morgan brushed past DJ and headed down the nearest corridor. “I’m going to check for signs of the crew,” Morgan said as he left.  
   
“I’ll check the payload,” said Jared’s voice from over Jensen’s shoulder.  
   
Something inside Jensen made him turn to get a glimpse of Jared and the man was standing there as though he was waiting for it. For a moment they just looked at each other. Jared took a few steps back without breaking eye contact; then he turned and was gone.  
   
“I guess I’ll check the oxygen garden,” muttered DJ.  
   
Jensen smiled sweetly and headed down the main corridor to the bridge. No doubt DJ was annoyed that everyone was doing their job without needing guidance from the new Captain. There was still bitterness lingering about Jim’s death. They’d all felt it hard, but Jensen felt like he might have lost the only crew member who was as focused on the mission as he was.  
   
When he reached the bridge, he stopped to look around. Although there were some very minor cosmetic differences, it was an eerie copy of their own bridge. Dust, grey and thick like ash, covered everything. It was certain that nothing living had been on the bridge in a very long time.  
   
Jensen scuffed his way through the carpet of dust to the main console panel. He brushed the thick layer off the panel and puzzled over the panels that were still partially obscured by dirt.  
   
There was a retractable power connector on Jensen’s suit and he pulled it out to slip it into the nearest available port. The small display screen blinked to life and began to run through some diagnostic. Machine language scrolled past for a while and then stopped with three small words flashing. Mainframe Not Online.  
   
“The payload is operational.” Jared’s voice was quiet in Jensen’s ear.  
   
“Say again, Jared,” queried Alona.  
   
“Payload fully operational,” Jared repeated.  
   
Deep in thought, Jensen tried to bypass some of the start-up routines to find news on the mainframe status. The mainframe was completely dead. But the news was worse than that he discovered after a few minutes of fumbling through various command protocols.  
   
“It’s nice that Jared has his payload, but it doesn’t matter. The mainframe is completely dead. The coolant tanks were taken offline, and the biochips are cooked.” Jensen punched the console, frustrated, and then coughed when a cloud of dust puffed up around him. “There’s no flight computer so she’s not going anywhere.”  
   
A video screen sputtered alight on Jensen’s right and he leaned over to wipe some more dust off it. The recording was damaged, static obscuring the view of a jumpy image. It was Captain Pellegrino of the Impala I. Jensen would recognize the man anywhere; like anyone else who’d been in the space program.  
   
Then things started to get a little weird. Pellegrino’s words made Jensen lift an eyebrow as he tried to understand what was going on.  
   
"Seven long years. Seven years... fortune never favors foolish.... should never have meddled in the affairs of God. Time, so much time. Alone with our beliefs, our trials. It’s more than what we thought. So m …..... All must listen to me. Seven long years!”  
   
The sound crackled away and Jensen stared, shocked. “Holy crap,” muttered Jensen, and then louder, “Did that make any sense at all to anyone?”  
   
Morgan’s voice made his jump. “Guys? Come to the observation deck. I found the crew.”  
   
It didn’t sound good, but then, Jensen had expected it to be bad. It seemed impossible to imagine a crew surviving.  
   
Jensen spun out of the chair and headed out the bridge door. The empty corridor echoed with his footsteps as he made his way toward the center of the ship. Before stepping aboard, the skeleton ship, Jensen had thought a ship with only seven crew members felt too empty. He would never think that again. The relief he felt when he saw Jared’s tousled hair pop up from the stairs to the lower deck kind of irritated him.  
   
As Jared stepped up onto the deck, he rolled his shoulders back and stared at Jensen. “It’s not mine.”  
   
Eyebrows lifting slightly, Jensen cocked his head. “What?”  
   
“It’s not my payload.” For a few moments, Jared just continued to stare, but his expression was hurt, angry.  
   
Just at the instant Jensen opened his mouth to speak, Jared pushed past him and headed into the observation lounge.  
   
There were reasons why Jensen thought hooking up with crew members was a bad idea. Hell, hooking up with anyone was usually a problem.  
   
Jensen trailed along behind Jared into the dark room. At first, all he saw was a strange silhouette. It looked more like a sculpture than anything else.  
   
Jared had moved around to the front of the bench and crouched down.  
   
Sticking to the outer edge of the observation deck, Jensen blew out a long, slow breath. The crew was huddled together, they were wrapped in each other's arms, heads all turned in as though they were protecting themselves from something.  
   
Morgan walked over to stand nearer Jensen. “It’s like they gave up or decided that... I just don’t know.”  
   
Jensen leaned forward. The crew members were burned to stiff-limbed statues. The surface of their skin was dark and cracked like a dry river bed.  
   
Jared reached out to touch the shoulder of the nearest ashen crew member.  
   
There was a crashing rumble and the entire ship lurched sideways. Jared fell hard onto his knees and the ash statues disintegrated into a huge plume of gray in the air.  
   
Jensen heard Morgan swear and then the cloud of ash almost completely obscured Jensen’s vision. A tickle began in the back of his throat, and then he couldn’t hold back a coughing fit. Launching himself toward the doorway, he collided with Jeff as they tumbled out into the relatively fresh air of the corridor.  
   
Jared emerged a moment later brushing frantically at his face and hair. He, too, was coughing. He stumbled sideways as the ship lurched again.  
   
“Alona, report!” barked Jensen.  
   
“Not good, Jensen. We are no longer docked to the Impala I. Repeat, you are floating free.”  
   
Jared looked up and began running to the airlock a fraction of a second before Jensen. Their boots clanged against the deck as Jeff fell in behind them.  
   
   
Alona was still trying to figure out what had happened and broke in again to tell them as she found out. “The dock was blown. There’s no way for us to hook up again. And guys? You’re venting oxygen. There’s a hull breach.”  
   
Already trying to think of possible solutions, Jensen was the first to make it to the airlock. He skidded to a halt at the outer bay door. Through a swirl of debris, he could see the door of the Impala II. She was floating about two hundred meters away.  
   
“What happened, Alona? It was all stable.” Jensen couldn't really see what could have caused so much damage. It looked to him like an explosion had torn the docking tunnel apart. The pieces of insulation and frame that hung weightless between the ships were ragged and scorched.  
   
“I don’t know, Jensen,” Alona finally answered.  
   
“Suggestions?” Jensen looked over at Jeff.  
   
Morgan paced over to the control panel. “I don’t - I mean, I don’t think there’s much we can do.”  
   
Jensen completed a thorough visual inspection of the room, inch by inch. “Wait...”  
   
He crossed the room quickly and pulled back one of the panels to reveal a gold space suit. “Suits,” he said breathlessly. His fingers tugged at the suit and then he froze. “Well, there’s one suit.”  
   
Morgan began tugging on the suit and as soon as they had it out their eyes met. Morgan nodded and Jensen straightened up. “Jared, get into the suit.”  
   
Jared’s lips pursed and then relaxed as he frowned and stepped back. “Jensen, why me? I mean if this is-”  
   
“Physicist. Payload,” Jensen said gruffly. “Don’t flatter yourself.”  
   
“What?” Morgan looked up from where he was working on the bottom half of the suit.  
   
Shaking his head, Jensen kept his eyes on Jared. “Without you. No payload. No point in all of this.”  
   
The strange mixture of hurt and anger was back on Jared’s face again, but he stepped forward anyway, steadied himself with a hand on Jensen’s shoulder and climbed into the suit.  
   
DJ finally made it back from the oxygen garden and stopped dead as he stepped into the room. “What happened and what is he doing?” DJ stabbed an accusatory finger towards Jared.  
   
Without looking over at DJ, Jensen continued to fasten Jared into the suit. “The airlock blew out. We’re venting atmosphere. Alona can’t dock the ships again. There’s one suit here and Jared’s taking it.”  
   
“What?” DJ stepped up to Jensen and leaned forward to force eye contact. “Why Jared?”  
   
“He’s the highest priority out of all of us,” Jeff said over his shoulder. He flipped the last snap on Jared’s boot before standing.  
   
“I’m the fucking Captain now.” DJ shoved at Jensen’s shoulder.  
   
Clenching his teeth tightly for a few moments Jensen kept his hands on the front panel of Jared’s suit. It wasn’t until he thought he could resist the urge to punch DJ that he turned to face him slowly. “That just makes you a higher rank than Jared. It doesn’t make you a higher priority.”  
   
“The Captain is a high priority,” DJ spat back. He focused his gaze on Jared. “Get out of the suit.”  
   
Tightening his grip on the suit, Jensen watched as Jared stood his ground.  
   
“That’s an order,” DJ said in a shaky voice.  
   
Jared’s eyes were wide and glistening; the pulse in his neck beating fast and hard. Jensen lifted his thumb enough to run it gently over the side of Jared’s neck.  
   
“Okay,” Morgan said as he stepped in front of DJ. “You know it’s the right decision.”  
   
DJ looked furious. “So, the rest of us just die here?”  
   
“We don’t know how bad the leak is currently. We just need to get Jared back to the ship,” Morgan growled.  
   
Something fluttered off the wall behind Jared and Jensen noticed the chain-tech insulation in the wall. “I’ve got an idea.”  
   
Stepping back from Jared he moved around him to yank some of the thin silver material out of the wall. “Alona? How close can you get the airlocks?”  
   
There was a short delay and then a radio crackle. “About one hundred meters.”  
   
“Okay. We aren’t depressurized yet. If we use the emergency override to blow our airlock open the force of the air will shoot Jared across into the other airlock, right?”  
   
Even as Alona was answering affirmatively; Jared was nodding. Morgan immediately moved over to the panel near the door.  
   
Yanking even more of the silver material out of the wall, Jensen molded some of it around his arm. “Look. We cover ourselves in as much of this as we can, and Jared hangs onto us. We all shoot across into the airlock and Alona closes the door.”  
   
“It’s minus 245 degrees out there, Jensen. You’ll never make it.” Alona sounded more than a little tense but Jensen couldn’t blame her.  
   
“Anyone got any better ideas?” Jensen asked. No one said a sword.  
   
DJ and Morgan began pulling the silver insulator from wherever they could find it. Jared was just standing where Jensen had left him. His eyes were still wide, his lips pressed into a thin line.   
   
Jensen didn't like the way he looked. “Jared, it’ll-”  
   
Morgan thumped his hand hard against the wall by the door panel. “Shit. Jensen. I just thought of something. You said the mainframe was down and out. The door will have to be blown manually.”  
   
“Shit,” whispered Jensen. He’d been so caught up in the possibility of a solution that he’d forgotten exactly what they were dealing with.  
   
DJ threw his hands up in frustration. “Oh, I know. It’s me, right? No one needs a Captain on this mission.”  
   
“No.” Morgan tossed the silver insulation he was holding at DJ and lifted Jared’s helmet up off the floor. “It’s me.”  
   
“Jeff,” Jared said the man’s name quietly and curled his already gloved fingers over Morgan’s shoulders.  
   
Jensen watched as Morgan smiled then winked at Jared. “You kick it in the ass, Jared.”  
   
Emotion welled up in Jensen’s throat and he had to turn away. He wrapped the silver material around his other arm and tried to think of anything but the fact that they would be leaving Jeff on a dying ship. Alone.  
   
The helmet snapped shut onto Jared’s suit and DJ and Jensen wrapped themselves in as much of the material as they could salvage from the wall.  
   
Finally, there was no other reason to put off the inevitable. “Alona? Ready over there?”  
   
“Affirmative, Jensen.”  
   
Jensen turned to look at Morgan. The Doctor had already stationed himself at the internal panel and was ready to close the door. When he caught Jensen’s eye he simply nodded and then the heavy metal door slid down.  
   
DJ was still fidgeting with the silver that was covering his entire body. “Listen, DJ. Eyes closed no matter what. Take a deep breath and blow it out slowly as we shoot across. Understood?”  
   
“Affirmative.” DJ wrapped more silver around his face and looped his arm through Jared’s.  
   
“Radio okay, Jared?” Jensen’s voice was firm, but he was shaking.  
   
“Yeah. Affirmative,” came Jared’s reply.  
   
Wrapping the last of the material around his head Jensen whispered, “Private comm. Padalecki.” He waited for a radio click. “Jared?”  
   
“Yeah.”  
   
“Do not let go of me, okay?” Jensen hooked a trembling arm through Jared’s and felt the other man’s grip on his wrist.  
   
“I absolutely will not let you go,” Jared murmured.  
   
“End private... Alona? Morgan? Ready.”  
   
“Affirmative,” answer Morgan’s voice. “Count us down, Alona.”  
   
Jensen couldn’t help tightening his grip on Jared. He sucked in breath until his chest ached.  
   
“Okay,” Alona said firmly. “In three, two, one, engage.”  
   
Everything exploded. Everything. Jensen felt like a truck had slammed into him from behind. He nearly lost the breath he was trying to hold. And then the atmosphere was rushing past them; a freight train of power was shooting them out into nothingness.  
   
There was nothing but pain and pressure. Jensen’s chest was being crushed; every part of his body so painful he wanted to die. It felt like years. Jensen’s lungs ached as he struggled to release his breath slowly.  
   
He slammed into something painfully solid; the air blew out of his lungs. He thought he heard voices and then everything went black.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
It was just so strong; the venting atmosphere was like an eruption more than anything else. Even in the safety of the suit, Jared felt like his heart was being pulled out of his mouth. His helmet faceplate connected with something solid; his head snapped back, and everything had started cartwheeling.  
   
DJ has been torn from Jared’s grasp, but Jensen had somehow, held on. Jared had held onto him with a desperation he didn’t know he had the strength for. In fact, he was still holding on to Jensen when he finally realized they were safe inside the airlock and Alona was frantically tugging at the material covering Jensen.  
   
Alona.  
   
Alona was there. He heard her say something as he struggled to pop the emergency release in the suit. When the helmet finally clicked open Jared gasped for breath like he hadn’t had any oxygen either.  
   
“You okay, Jared?”  
   
Jared thought about it; still struggling a bit with the way his thoughts were spinning. “Yeah. Jensen. Jensen?”  
   
“He’s here, Jared. Relax.”  
   
And then Jared heard the crackling of the insulation, pained moans and rolled the bulky suit over onto its side. Jensen was trembling so badly he couldn’t hold still at all. Alona was using a med scanner on Jensen’s arm. Parts of it were frozen black.  
   
“I lost DJ,” Jared said quietly. He let his head fall against the side of the helmet.  
   
For a few moments Alona just stared over at Jared. He could see tears welling in the bottom of her eyes. “Jared? Get the hell out of that suit. We need to get Jensen into a healing bag. Now.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
The first thing Jensen thought of when his mind cleared a little was the mainframe. It was his first thought most of the time when he woke up. Except, that time Jared was there. But Jared was there again, at least, Jensen thought he heard the man’s voice.  
   
“Jensen?”  
   
Jared was in a space suit. They were going to try and - “Jared?”  
   
A coughing fit took hold of Jensen, it shook him to the core and he grimaced as pain gnawed at his body. “Why am I not dead?”  
   
Jensen was pretty sure that he heard Jared laugh softly. And as soon as he could move he would kick the guy’s ass, 6’ 4” or not. The warm weight of a hand settled on Jensen’s chest and he put more effort into forcing his eyelids open.  
   
Bright hazel eyes were staring at him above a worried looking half smile. “Hey, Jensen.”  
   
“Hey.” Jensen tried to smile but wasn’t sure that he managed it. Jared looked good. But then, the fact that Jensen was looking at anyone at all seemed like a bit of a miracle. “You didn’t let me go.”  
   
Long lashes closed over Jared’s eyes and he looked down and away. “I lost DJ.”  
   
“Shit,” murmured Jensen. It had never been a guarantee; far from it. “Morgan?”  
   
“Alona said good-bye to him when we moved out.” Tilting his head to the side slightly Jared peered out from under long strands of hair. “It’s hard to say. I mean how much oxygen...”  
   
Jensen’s fingers twitched as he fought the urge to brush the hair aside. “Maybe...” But, he just couldn't think of a maybe, not even a possibly. Jeff was alone on the Impala I and the ship was venting atmosphere.  
   
A throbbing pain in his shoulder broke in on Jensen’s thoughts. When he lifted his arm, he felt some wires drag across his skin. There was artificial flesh across his forearm.  
   
Jared must have followed Jensen’s gaze. “You’re healing well. Alona’s been taking care of you.” For some reason, Jared’s lips curled up into a very slight smile.  
   
“What?” Jensen smiled weakly and then ran his tongue over rough, dry lips.  
   
“She said you were too pretty to die.”  
   
Alona may well get her equal-opportunity ass kicked as well.  
   
“You know, it’s not your fault, right?” Jensen rubbed at his aching throat. He felt like he’d been asleep for weeks.  
   
Jared nodded but it didn’t look particularly convincing. When he made eye contact again his eyes were a little shinier. Jensen nudged his fist against Jared’s knee and nodded toward the water bottle.  
   
“Oh yeah. Sorry.” Jared handed him the water bottle and dragged his fingers down Jensen’s forearm. “How you feelin’ anyway? Any pain?”  
   
“Nothin’ too bad. Was there lots of damage?”  
   
“Mostly your arms. You had trouble breathing, at first. Alona said it was a combination of the pressure and your body not wanting to breathe in any cold air. Shock, I guess.”  
   
Jensen nodded. “Oh. I was shocked alright.”  
   
“Do you remember it?”  
   
“Not really. Just felt like a hell of a carnival ride gone wrong.” It was a white lie, at worst. Jensen could remember a rather terrifying feeling of suffocating … and pain. There had been a lot of pain; of that he was sure.  
   
“I’m glad. That you’re okay, I mean.”  
   
Shifting on the bed a little, Jensen nestled back on his pillow so that he could see Jared’s face more clearly. It was drawn; his normally warm eyes looked tired and irritated.  
   
“I'm guessing things are still pretty bad?” Jensen assumed that nothing had improved since they’d left the Impala I but it couldn’t hurt to ask.  
   
“Well. There’s more.”  
   
If the expression on Jared’s face was any indication, the more wasn’t good news.  
   
“When we were,” Jared cleared his throat. “We were working on you and he seemed okay. He’d been asleep a lot. So - we took off the restraints-”  
   
“Jared? Who?” Jensen’s memory was still a bit foggy.  
   
A puzzled frown appeared on Jared’s face. “Matt. We thought he was okay. He helped. He was cleaning your wounds, so I could cover them while Alona stabilized your breathing.”  
   
Bile began creeping up the back of Jensen’s throat.  
   
A tear slipped down over the curve of Jared’s cheek and he closed his eyes for a few moments before taking a deep breath. “I was focused on you. We were. He got hold of the laser scalpel. We didn’t notice he was gone right away. I found him. I found him when I went to get another blanket for you. He cut both his wrists.”  
   
Jared took a deep breath before he could continue. “There was blood everywhere. And we’d been talking the whole time. I mean. Alona was trying to figure out what was going on. He could have overheard us-”  
   
“Jared?” Jensen was getting worried. The look on Jared’s face was just... completely broken.  
   
“I should have been watching him. I can’t remember … what if I said something about DJ or Jeff. I’m sure we must have mentioned them. And, he would have heard-”  
   
“Okay,” Jensen said firmly. He struggled up until he was sitting. For a few moments dizziness completely disoriented him. The room was flip-spinning. “S’not your fault,” he murmured.  
   
“It was my decision. That’s why we’re all out here. My payload.” Jared dragged a hand down his face and then shook his head.  
   
“Jared, it’s part of the job. This blood’s not on your hands. We all take responsibility for ourselves when we sign on to a mission like this.”  
   
“Then this is my responsibility.”  
   
Jensen could have used a bit of time before he had to have a philosophical discussion about the perils of authority. “Just because something is your responsibility doesn’t make it your fault. What Matt did? That’s on him.”  
   
Even though Jared nodded slowly, he didn’t look like he felt any differently. He sat there, silently, looking like he was about to buckle under the weight of it all; it made Jensen's chest ache even more.  
   
“Hey, Jared.” Jensen leaned forward a little and rested his hand on Jared’s. Their fingers wove together, and Jared held on just a little too tight.  
   
“Yeah?”  
   
“You think you could bust me outta here? I’d love to sleep on a real mattress. This med bag sucks.”  
   
“You shouldn’t be alone. I don’t think Alona will like it.” Jared was staring at their hands; his fingers were still tight on Jensen’s like he was afraid to let go. Maybe he still was.  
   
“I don’t want to be alone,” Jensen said softly. And he knew that Jared shouldn’t be alone; not with the shit that was in his head.  
   
For a moment or two he thought Jared might protest, and then he was nodding.  
   
“I’ll talk to Alona. Take you back to your unit, but I’m not leavin’ you alone.”  
   
“I’m okay with that.”  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
It took over an hour, some additional pain medication, two almost-arguments and a fragile bargain with Alona to get Jensen to his sleeping quarters. No surprisingly, Alona wasn’t thrilled with the idea of being alone on the bridge; nor did she think it was a good idea to be moving Jensen.  
   
It was Jensen who pushed her in the end. She could see that Jared was hanging by a thread and Jensen just felt like he could help with that. It was probably crazy; definitely selfish. There wasn’t all that much time to do anything. He could almost hear the moments ticking away.  
   
After Alona extracted a promise from them that Baby would interrupt if they were needed, she helped unhook Jensen from all the medical equipment.  
   
By the time Jensen was sitting on the edge of his mattress he felt as though he’d run a marathon. He was certainly tired enough to let Jared undress him and then run a cold cloth over his face and neck. It felt good.  
   
Jared slipping under the cover behind him; bare flesh pressed against his back felt good too.  
   
Looping his arm around Jensen’s waist, Jared pressed his face to the nape of Jensen’s neck. His breath was warm, his broad palm pressed flat against Jensen’s stomach.  
   
“Jared? You gonna be okay?”  
   
There was only Jared’s warm breath for a while, then lips on his neck just before words. “Doesn’t really matter.”  
   
“It does.” For some reason, it really did matter to Jensen. It shouldn’t. Or, at least, he would have believed that before.  
   
“With Matt gone, we have just enough oxygen to get to the payload delivery point. Maybe a few days after that. We’re not going home. So, no. It doesn’t matter.”  
   
The words all seemed to tumble out at once; they tripped over each other as they seeped into Jensen’s mind. He rolled slightly so he could see Jared’s face. “It matters to me.”  
   
The furrows in Jared’s brow all but disappeared and his eyes warmed. A smile twitched at the corners of his lips and he hooked a leg over Jensen’s to press their bodies closer together.  
   
“I’m the center of the universe, you know,” Jensen added. He winked, encouraged by more relaxed tone to Jared’s body.  
   
“Yeah, Jensen. Sure.” The smile on Jared’s face grew slightly and he leaned closer to press his lips to the corner of Jensen’s mouth.  
   
“Thank you,” Jensen murmured. Everything was catching up with him.  
   
“For what?” Jared’s lips brushed softly against Jensen’s as his fingers smoothed over Jensen’s hip.  
   
Shrugging, Jensen slid his fingers up into Jared’s hair. “Not letting go. For- for...”  
   
Jared’s lips caught his again and Jensen was glad not to have to try and sort out the mess of feelings he had going on. It was much easier to get lost in the sensation of lips sliding against his, teeth dragging over his bottom lip. He just let himself feel it all as he fell into a dreamless sleep.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
When Jared opened his eyes, he was confused for a few moments. The room was only vaguely familiar, but it wasn’t until Jensen moaned softly in his sleep that the room spun into focus.  
   
Jared stared for a while, watching the steady rise and fall of Jensen’s chest. The man’s lips puffed out with each exhale. There was color back in his cheeks; sleep looked good on him.  
   
Jared slipped out from under the covers and dressed as quietly as he could. After a final look at Jensen, he headed out into the corridor.  
   
The rumble of the engine was reassuring as he headed towards the payload bay. There was time to make a few minor adjustments; make sure everything was working well.  
   
He tried to push aside the guilt that was a constant murmur in the back of his mind. His decision had been a good one; his logic had been sound. If only that were enough to make him feel like less of a … killer.  
   
The payload bay was just as he’d left it. Familiar. As close to home as he had on the ship.  
   
Tapping a few buttons; Jared brought the systems manually online to run through the backup of the start-up routine. The lights flashed as the system came online.  
   
The test worked like clockwork. Jared had run each routine so many times; he had the sequence committed to memory. His eyes moved to where he knew the first part of the huge bay would light up. They were so close to finally completing their mission.  
   
“Baby, run through your automatic diagnoses and report all error codes.”  
   
“Yes, Jared.” The soft voice was all around him and Jared smiled. He would miss her.  
   
“Jared, the Mission cannot be completed successfully.”  
   
“What? Jared stepped back, surprised and sank down into his station chair. “Explain.”  
   
“You are dying. The crew is dying.”  
   
Relief flooded Jared’s body and he slumped in the chair a little. “Baby, we know that we don’t have enough oxygen to get back home but we will make it far enough to deploy the payload.” He rubbed at the temple that was beginning to throb.  
   
“Negative, Jared.” The ship’s voice sounded so certain, but then, she always was.  
   
“There is enough oxygen for us-”  
   
“Negative, Jared.”  
   
“Baby. Alona calculated the volume. There is enough oxygen left for three crew members to make it to the final coordinates.  
   
“Four crew members,” stated the ship.  
   
A cold fear trickled down Jared’s spin and his eyes widened. “Baby, name the crew members.”  
   
“Ackles, Jensen; engineer. Tal, Alona; pilot. Padalecki, Jared; physicist.” Then the soothing ship’s voice was silent.  
   
“Who is the fourth crew member?”  
   
“Unknown.”  
   
The word sent a shiver running down Jared’s body. “Baby?”  
   
“Yes, Jared.”  
   
“What is the location of the fourth crew member?”  
   
“The fourth crew member is currently on the observation deck.”  
   
“Jesus Christ.” Jared bolted out of his chair so quickly that it was left spinning behind him. His heart began to pound as he ran; he’d never been more terrified in his life.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
From fifty feet down the corridor, Jared could see light pouring out of the open door to the observation deck. His footsteps slowed as he drew closer to the flood of sunlight. Pressed back against the cool, steel wall, he eased himself forward until he was squinting into the room.  
   
At first, Jared could only see the crazy weaving of painful white and yellow light. Tears filled his eyes instantly and he lifted an arm to try and shield himself from a fraction of the glare.  
   
It burned into Jared; knife sharp and hot on his exposed skin. A shape moved in front of the bench and Jared Flinched back. It was like watching someone swim through fire; it was fluid and frightening and Jared stepped back until he collided with the wall.  
   
The figure’s voice was thick and low. “For seven years I have spoken to God. This God.”  
   
Jared gasped in some of the searing air and tried to keep his eyes open. The voice was familiar, misplaced somehow in Jared’s mind; out of sync and out of time. “What are you?’  
   
“We were so arrogant,” the voice continued. “Arrogant to believe that we could go against His will. Such low creatures; base instincts. The heat was taken from us; a punishment.”  
   
The figure moved closer, looming in front of Jared. There was an expanse of scarred flesh, healing, and re-healing tissue. “Jesus,” Jared whispered.  
   
“We must all be wiped out. Every last life. I’m the one with the vision, the foresight.”  
   
Even through the intense light, Jared could see the vague features of the man’s face. Under all that warped flesh was a familiar memory. “Pellegrino. The Captain...”  
   
“The Impala I was destined to fail. She brought us here where I could sense His word. The word of this God.”  
   
As the words began to sink in, Jared could only sense danger. Heart pounding, he darted to the right. Pellegrino mirrored his movements and Jared saw a glint of something silver before something sharp sliced through his shirt and into the meat of his chest.  
   
Pain took his breath away and gasped helplessly at the hot air for a few moments. He swung his fist with every ounce of strength he had left and connected hard with Pellegrino’s jaw. The flesh of the man’s face was sticky, hot, and weeping.  
   
Jared broke for the door. The only way he knew he’d made it Just out of Pellegrino’s reach was the inhuman wail the man made when Jared released the door mechanism as he ran past, and yelled: "Baby filter off!"  
   
He heard an inhuman scream as the heat flooded into the room behind him. The heavy door slid closed and then the pounding of a fist against it set Jared off at a full out run. The door swished open again as Jared rounded the corner at the end of the corridor.  
   
The closest locking door was at the main airlock and Jared ran as fast as he could. The hand that was pressed against his chest felt damp and hot. The bleeding was bad.  
   
There were footsteps behind him and Jared pushed a little harder when he saw the airlock. His mind was ahead of him, planning; press the lock panel, get in, close the door. Seconds, he had seconds.  
   
The footsteps gained a little ground and Jared dove the last few feet to slam his hand against the locking mechanism. Pain stabbed into his wrist and he cried out as he slid through the barely opened door. Spinning, he slammed his palm against the mechanism inside and watched the door slide closed just as Pellegrino slammed into the other side of it.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
“Unauthorized access to the mainframe. Jensen, please report to the coolant tanks.”  
   
Something in Jensen’s mind lingered in his dream for a few moments. Baby’s voice was there but his body ached, and he was still so tired.  
   
“Jensen. Emergency intervention required.”  
   
Bolt upright in less than a second, Jensen could feel his heart banging away against his ribcage.  
   
“Report,” he called out as he clawed his way out from under the covers and groped around for his uniform pants.  
   
“The mainframe is being removed from the coolant tanks. Unauthorized access.”  
   
“Fuck.” Jensen was half running as he pulled on his boots and snatched a shirt off the floor.  
   
As he picked up speed his mind finally woke up completely. “Comms. Jared.”  
   
All he could hear was the sound of his own rapid footfalls and the harsh sound of his panting. No response from Jared.  
   
“Baby!”  
   
The computer’s soft voice followed Jensen down the long corridor. “Manual override requested. Main frame is now 75% removed from coolant. Estimated system failure in three minutes and 15 seconds.”  
   
Jensen ran full out.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jared felt a little light-headed and stumbled slightly as he headed towards the suit storage. The front of his shirt was dark red, soaked with blood.  
   
His fingers felt clumsy as he fumbled with the medical cabinet. He tugged a black compression vest out and groaned as he slipped it on. Once the vest was fastened he sank down to his knees and tried to recapture his breath.  
   
“Oh shit.” His teeth were clenched; the stinging burn of the wound was making him nauseous. “Baby?”  
   
For the first time since Jared had stepped aboard the Impala II, there was no answer from the ship.  
   
Groaning, Jared climbed up to his feet and stumbled toward the control panel. He touched the screen to activate it and began scrolling through the visual feeds of each compartment on the ship.  
   
The bridge was empty, corridors aft and forward of his location, the galley; all of them were empty. His fist banged down against the console and he let out a broken moan. Everything was going wrong; all of it was wrong.  
   
A sound somewhere in the room behind him had him holding his breath. Concentrating, he tilted his head slightly. It sounded like a voice. He scrambled across the room and began pulling equipment out of the suit storage.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
By the time Jensen had made it to the coolant tanks, Baby was already offline. The emergency heat gage was already far over the safety line.  
   
Without wasting a moment longer, Jensen had started the process to lower the main frame back into the coolant. The huge mechanism began moving slowly and after a few precious minutes, the mainframe lights began to flicker intermittently. The computer wasn’t completely fried.  
   
As the core continued to grind down slowly into the blue coolant Jensen headed over to the comm panel. He began flicking through the hard-wired camera feeds. The radio was still silent and there was no sign of Jared or Alona.  
   
And then Jensen flicked to the view of the main airlock. He leaned down as he saw a figure crouched in the middle of the airlock floor. “Jesus Christ.”  
   
With a glance over his shoulder to ensure that the mainframe was still moving, Jensen opened a lower compartment and pulled out a small earpiece. “Jared.”  
   
The small screen flickered but Jared couldn’t hear him. He needed to get Jared to use the radio in one of the suits. “Jared! Use the hard link in the suit!”  
   
On the small screen, Jared stilled then looked around the airlock as though he may have heard something.  
   
“Come on, you pretty Texan! Think!” Jensen slapped his hand down on the cool panel in frustration. “The hard link,” he called out again.  
   
Risking another glance back at the mainframe, Jensen nodded to himself. The lights on the mainframe were still flickering and about twenty-five percent of it looked to be back in the coolant.  
   
The sound of radio static in his ear had him spinning back to the comm panel. Jared was tugging one of the suits out of the storage, so he could access the microphone.  
   
“Jared?”  
   
“Jensen? Is that you?”  
   
“Yes. Jared, listen! Someone sabotaged the mainframe. I’m trying to get it back in the coolant now.”  
   
“It’s Pellegrino,” Jared yelled frantically. “He’s on the ship.”  
   
For the time it took him to fill his still aching lungs, Jensen stared at the screen, at Jared’s frightened face peering up at him. Jared was covered in blood. It crept out from under the neck of the compression vest; little specks of red went up to his cheek and across his forehead.  
   
Jensen knew who Pellegrino was. Everyone would know that.  
   
“He’s crazy,” Jared said a little more quietly. Fear was written all over his face. “He’s the one who sabotaged the ship, the airlock.” He let out a frustrated sigh.  
   
“He doesn’t want us to complete the mission.”  
   
Realization was settling down on Jensen like a dead weight. Pellegrino. The original Captain of the original Impala. And how many years had he been alone on the ship? Alone with nothing but his own thoughts and theories.  
   
“Jensen? What do we do? He’s - he sliced me up. Where’s Alona?”  
   
Jensen felt a little bad for not even asking about Alona, but then; he hadn’t seen her on any of the cams.  
   
“You gotta deploy the payload.” It was the only thing left that made any sense in all the utter chaos around them.  
   
“What?” Jared's face was pale, his hand pressed against his chest.  
   
“We’re close enough, Jared. Deploy it before- shit.” The mainframe alarm wailed again, and Jensen turned in time to see the lights flicker out. Something clattered to the metal flooring behind the coolant tank and Jensen stiffened. Instinct had him leaning back against the comm panel. “Jared? I may have a problem down here.”  
   
He glanced down at the monitor to see Jared’s face looking into the camera. There was another sound and Jensen looked around for something he could use as a weapon.  
   
“Jensen?” Jared’s voice sounded worried, even over the old hard wiring.  
   
“Jared, I’m gonna try and buy you enough time to get there. You do it. Okay? I’ll make sure you have enough power”  
   
A shape moved behind the mainframe and Jensen widened his stance. “Just do it, Jared.” The shape became a figure and charged at Jensen faster than he could have ever expected.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
When Jared saw Pellegrino racing toward Jensen he let out a yell of frustration. Something in the Captain’s scarred hand glinted; no doubt the same knife that had sliced Jared’s chest open.  
   
The blade cut through the air in front of Jensen and a bloom of red appeared at the neck of Jensen’s t-shirt. His body crumpled, and Pellegrino disappeared out of the small screen.  
   
Jared wasted a few precious moments yelling at the screen. When there was no sign of Jensen on the small screen his heart fell.  
   
His hands were shaking as he pulled the Protech suit out of the main suit. At least it would help him get as far as the payload bay. He hoped. A numb sensation had settled over him; shock. Just before sipping up the top portion of the suit he checked the wound. The bleeding was slowing but the pain was distracting.  
   
“Jared?”  
   
Hope burst to life in Jared’s chest when he heard the voice. Detaching the radio from the helmet, he slipped the earbud in. “Jensen? You’re alright.”  
   
There was a rough laugh and Jared pushed up to his feet to stumble over to the comm panel. Jensen was pale, sweating, with a hand pressed over the wound on the side of his neck.  
   
“Shit, Jensen. I’ll be there as soon as I can-”  
   
“No.” Jensen coughed the pressed the fingers of his free hand to the edge of the screen. “Launch the payload. I have to stay here. That fucker jammed something into the mechanism. It won’t lower all the way into the coolant.”  
   
The blood in Jared’s veins ran cold. “Jensen-”  
   
“I think I might be able to coax it in further. And Jared? I’ve rerouted enough power to the pod on the observation deck. You ignite your damn bomb then you might just have enough time to get there. Use the emergency eject. I-”  
   
“I’m not leaving you here.” Jared’s hands were shaking so badly he had to clasp them together.  
   
“We’re wasting time,” Jensen growled. They stared at each other for a few heartbeats then Jared nodded slowly. He knew Jensen was right but that wouldn't make it any easier.  
   
Jared lingered at the panel for a few moments then walked over to the door. “Heading there now.”  
   
“He’s still alive Jared, be careful.” The voice in his ear should have been comforting but it filled Jared with a heavy weight of loss.  
   
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Jared muttered as he pulled the airlock door open and peered out into the empty corridor.  
   
Over the comm, he could hear a shake in Jensen’s voice, the sound of him moving around; a dull clunk of metal against metal.  
   
“Me?” Jensen laughed shakily. “Just go set off that big firework of yours. Then get your pretty ass off my ship.”  
   
The comm went quiet, dead and Jared could tell that Jensen had muted from his end.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jared had to force himself to put one foot in front of the other; to keep moving towards the payload. He couldn’t help the way he hesitated at each corner; he half expected a head to appear or the scarred visage of a once-hero.  
   
Moving as quietly as he could, he just tried to keep breathing. He also tried not to think about Jensen and, what stupid risks the man may be taking to get the mainframe back into the coolant.  
   
It maybe took ten minutes to get to the aft of the ship. He rounded the last corner and stopped dead in his tracks. Alona was crumpled against the payload bay door.  
   
“Alona?” Jared took a step forward, hesitated, and then hurried over to drop down beside the pilot. His fingers found a weak flutter of a pulse in her neck and he smiled shakily. “Al?”  
   
The rise and fall of her chest faltered and Alona coughed weakly. As she moved, her hands fell away from a wound in her abdomen. The amount of blood made Jared suck in a sharp breath.  
   
“Was it him? Pellegrino?”  
   
Finally, Alona’s eyelashes fluttered open. It took a few moments for her gaze to focus on Jared’s face. “Jay.”  
   
“Alona, I’ve gotta ignite the payload. Is he here? Did he follow you down here?”  
   
All Alona seemed able to do was nod weakly. She reached out and pressed her hand against the door behind her. Her finger extended. She was pointing into the bay.  
   
Jared looked up to where she was pointing. There was a bloody palm print on the bay door and it was far too big to be Alona’s. Pellegrino had, somehow, made it inside the payload bay. Of course, it wouldn’t have occurred to anyone to cancel the auth codes from the Impala I.  
   
“Do it, Jared. Start it,” Alona rasped.  
   
Looking back down at his friend, Jared felt like he could see the life draining out of her. The blood had drained from her face; her eyes were sleepy and unfocused.  
   
For just a few moments, Jared curled his fingers around the side of Alona’s neck. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. She felt so cold.  
   
Jared hauled himself up to his feet and entered his security code to open the payload bay door. After a last look at Alona, Jared slipped through the open door.  
   
The usual ticks and groans in the bay were there and Jared cast his eyes around the skeleton of catwalks. The same eerie figure was present about halfway along the metal path in front of him. Pellegrino knew why Jared was there, and for whatever crazy reason his warped mind had created, he wanted to stop Jared. He wanted to end everything.  
   
Feeling like he was running through water, Jared lurched forward. His chest wound ached as each boot hit the metal walkway and the air was beginning to feel thin in his burning lungs.  
   
Pellegrino stood his ground as Jared closed in on him. The intruder’s flesh was bleeding, sloughing off his body as though he was regenerating. It was unreal, horrifying; it was hard to even remember the figure in front of him had once been a hero.  
   
A pained cry shot past Jared’s lips as his body slammed into Pellegrino’s. The Captain’s inhuman wail made Jared’s ears ring and he used all his strength to hook an arm around Pellegrino’s neck.  
   
The man’s sticky flesh felt loose under Jared’s palms and he barely registered his body’s revulsion. He slipped on the walkway; then he stumbled over Pellegrino’s leg.  
   
They collided with the steel hand railing and a snap inside Jared’s rib cage nearly brought him to his knees. All Jared could think of were the faces of his friends; Alona lying in the corridor with the life ebbing out of her. Jensen. Jensen.  
   
Somehow, in the middle of the pain, despite the crack of Pellegrino's bloody fist against Jared’s jaw - the pain of losing Jensen sliced through him the hardest. It was the deepest cut of all.  
   
Jared twisted, his vision faded as the agony of each move snatched at him. Pellegrino countered, and then lost his balance. As the monstrous figure fell forward Jared dove to the catwalk at the man’s feet.  
   
Forward momentum carried Pellegrino across Jared’s shoulders. Screaming in frustration Jared pushed up to his feet and flipped the scarred body over the handrail. Claw-like fingers latched onto the railing and Jared stood there, panting, swaying, barely able to look at the burned flesh.  
   
“It’s time. One man and God,” Pellegrino mumbled. “One man...”  
   
Jared stood there, pain closing in on him. His gaze found the rheumy eyes of the Captain but there was nothing, even remotely human left. The fingers began to slide off the rail; loose skin peeled away from blood and tendons. And then Pellegrino was gone.  
   
Stunned, Jared stumbled forward till he hit the railing. He watched the damaged figure disappear into the darkness of the payload bay far below. He panted harshly, tears mingling with sweat and blood.  
   
The payload.  
   
Jared’s chest muscles cramped as he turned slowly towards the control room. Limping his way along the walkway, Jared wiped at his face with one hand as he clung to the railing with the other.  
   
The lights flickered overhead, and Jared could feel the thrum of auxiliary power groaning to life. Jensen hadn’t let him down. There was enough power to use the auto assisted ignition sequence. There was time.  
   
Sinking into the chair at the comm panel, Jared wiped his bloody palms on his hands. He punched in the code that was so ingrained in his memory that he hardly had to think of it. Padalecki Impala 1 20403180935 light. The panel glowed brightly, and Jared blinked a few times as the panel swam in front of him.  
   
The ignition sequence prompt flashed, and Jared re-entered the code with his final authorization word. Stardust.  
   
The screen wavered, and a countdown popped up. Jared had less than four minutes to get to the observation deck; that would give the pod just enough time to be ahead of the explosion’s first wave.  
   
He had to use the comm panel to drag himself up to his feet. Wheezing, pressing his hand to the compression vest: Jared staggered back down the walkway. It was hard for him to focus on the doorway and it was sheer luck, that got him through it without colliding with any more metal.  
   
Alona.  
   
Jared dropped to one knee beside his friend and pressed two fingers to the soft, cool skin of her neck. Nothing.  
   
Closing his eyes for a few moments, Jared tried to swallow down the tidal wave of emotion that was threatening to drown him. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he murmured.  
   
His fingers traced the graceful high curve of Alona’s cheek and then he touched his finger to the tip of her nose.  
   
It was hard to pull away from her. Every part of his body hurt but he forced himself into an awkward half-run. Without a moment’s hesitation, he took a right at the end of the first corridor and headed straight to the bay that held the coolant tanks.... and Jensen.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jared’s shoulder collided hard with the door to the bay. All the breath was forced out of his lungs and he fell forward to his knees.  
   
His heart felt like it was being torn out of his chest when he looked up and saw Jensen.  
   
The engineer’s body was lying beside the coolant tank; he was wet, pale, parts of his hands were dark with frostbite. He wasn’t shivering. He wasn’t moving at all. But the mainframe was moving slowly back into the coolant. Jensen had managed to do exactly what he’d said; he’d bought Jared time.  
   
Without bothering to even try and stand, Jared crawled forward and grabbed Jensen’s shirt. He heaved the man up and back into his arms, cradling him against his chest. “Jensen.”  
   
There was no response; nothing and Jared could feel the last of his will draining from his body.  
   
“Jensen,” Jared said louder. He shook the man’s body roughly as flashes of warmth, smooth lips and rough hands sped through his mind.  
   
Finally, hands trembling, Jared tightened his arms around Jensen’s chest and buried his face in cold, wet hair. This time he didn’t fight the sobs that wracked his body. He just let them come. “Fuck you,” he whispered.  
   
-=-=-=-  
   
Jensen regained consciousness slowly. At first, he resisted. He knew what was waiting for him; it had been so cold. He’d had to slide into the blue coolant. His head ached just thinking about how cold it was when he’d held his breath and slid under the surface of the blue liquid. But he’d fixed it... he’d managed to reverse the damage Pellegrino had done; he’d managed to buy Jared some time. He could only hope it was enough.  
   
Jared.  
   
It had been painfully cold; so cold his body had just given up. He’d felt so strange the moment he’d stopped shivering. It was hypothermia; his body quitting one organ at a time... and it had felt better than that fucking cold.  
   
But he wasn’t cold anymore.  
   
Jensen’s lashes fluttered open and he started; his entire body jolted as he looked up at a dark surface. His first thought was buried alive; he knew it made no sense.  
   
“Hey,” said a soft voice beside him.  
   
As Jensen turned his head everything swirled, and he thought that the darkness was going to capture him again. Then he felt warm fingers on his neck; fingers rubbed his aching muscles and when he finally opened his eyes it was to find Jared staring back at him.  
   
Things began to make more sense. Jensen’s gaze flicked over Jared’s shoulder; there was a comm panel. It was the small panel inside the observation pod.  
   
When he dropped his gaze to meet Jared’s again he frowned. “You didn’t listen to me.”  
   
For a few moments, Jared bit down on his bottom lip but he didn’t look away. “Yeah? Well, you’re heavier than you look.”  
   
Jensen laughed quietly and reached up to smooth his hand over Jared’s cheek. There were healing cuts on the man’s cheek, his lip was split, and half of his face was covered in bruises. Jensen didn’t even want to know what he’d see if he looked in a mirror. When his hand dropped to Jared’s chest he felt the compression vest and panic grabbed him like a vice. “Are you... what?”  
   
“Hey, hey. We’re okay,” Jared said soothingly. Before Jensen had time to get an entire thought out Jared’s lips were pressed against his. The kiss was gentle; it was  _hello_  and  _we’re here_  and a million other thoughts that were racing around in Jensen’s mind.  
   
When they finally broke apart, Jensen was panting softly. His body was tingling right down to his fingertips - the fingertips that he now realized were covered in synthetic flesh. Lifting his hand, he studied it for a moment before dropping it to Jared’s chest again; he liked the steady thump of the man’s heartbeat.  
   
Jared’s lips quirked into a shy smile. “There was medical stuff in here.”  
   
“I told you to go. You didn’t have enough time...” Jensen shook his head. He was having trouble believing that they were there, together.  
   
Shrugging a shoulder, Jared licked his lips then his smile brightened. “Clearly, I did have enough time. But you are heavy.”  
   
Finally, Jensen felt a smile creep onto his lips. “Where we goin’?”  
   
Jared shrugged again and rolled slightly to tap the screen behind him. “Hopefully? The Impala I and Jeff. Maybe … maybe we can get the ship going again.”  
   
“The energy wave might have thrown us off course.” Jensen shifted and looked out of the screen above him. The stars were spinning past, but they were still ahead of the orange glow of the sun. “God, you did it, Jared.”  
   
Jared looked a little sheepish and it made Jensen laugh.  
   
“Your stupid bomb,” Jensen murmured.  
   
“It’s not a bomb, actually,” Jared said quietly.  
   
Jensen had to close his eyes against the burn of tears and his fingers tightened on the front of Jared’s vest. He pulled him closer, tugged until their mouths were pressed together for a few long, wet slides. When they pulled apart a second time, Jensen pulled Jared across his chest and held on tightly.  
   
“Jensen?”  
   
“Yeah.”  
   
“What if we’re heading in another direction completely?”  
   
Jensen leaned down so he could press his face into Jared’s long, soft hair. He nuzzled closer and took a deep breath. “What the hell. We’re only stardust, right?”  
   



End file.
